July 27, 2006

Need Gift Suggestions

I just got a call from a friend of mine, who also happens to be a colleague, who invited us (my husband and I only - no kids - very clear about that) to his daughter's Bat Mitzvah. I, or course, accepted the invite and just know that it will be loads of fun as it is here.

My question....as I am Catholic and have NEVER been to a Bat Mitzvah... what is the appropriate gift to give? And a price range? Is a Tiffany's bracelet out of the question? I mean like this one....


July 24, 2006

The Eensie Weensie Spider

(This post has a disclaimer that the following post is ravaged with Gyno appointment speak. Men, turn back now, as you may never look at a cooch the same again. You have been warned.)

So, did I tell you that I turned up at the OB-GYN for my appointment a day early?

Yes, I did. Bright and perky and coiffed (ya, know which hairstyle I mean). And the nice (yeah, right) receptionist told me to come back tomorrow. Okay, great.

Fast forward to the next morning, I am up early to get the kids off to the Summer Camp before I once again make my way over to the Now Right Day Appointment to meet with the Twat Doctor. I go through my usual ritual when going to see the Twat Dr. I get in the shower, shave legs and trim up the Cooch, after all, she's there on display, kinda like a Newly Made sandwich unveiled on that deli paper. Ok, maybe not exactly - but you see where I'm going with this.

But, like I said - you want HER to look HER best after all. I put on some make-up, perhaps this will distract him from noticing the 10lbs I put back on after losing last year. Well, it can't hurt, right? Pick out loose fitting clothes, as no one needs to see that my circulation is getting cut off by too tight capri pants. Big naked lady on the deli paper with deep blood red marks around her boobs, waist and legs looks like I've been rolled like a pork roast. Can't be having THAT.

I struggle with shoe choices. Its been like 1000 degrees outside. Do I opt for the sandals and hope like hell that my feet don't make him fall off his stool backward when I put them in the stirrups? Or do I put on socks and sneaks and hope to absorb the sweat. Decisions, decisions.... I opt for the sandals and take my chances.

Running through my check list in my head while absently peeing for the 4th time (why is it, that when I KNOW that the nurse is going to hand me that tiny plastic cup to pee in, I have to pee freaking every 10 minutes before I go there and when I DO GET THERE, I have stage fright? Just me??) deodorant - check. Perfume - check. New crappy insurance card - check. Hubby's new address for new job - check. Newest pictures of the kids - check.

While reaching over to grab some toilet paper (I just HAPPENED TO GLANCE OVER - I was totally lost in my thoughts) I see the TINIEST Little Black Spider sitting just under the fold back of the toilet paper. What The FUCK????? I screech, cuz I fucking hate spiders - and what the hell was it doing hiding in the toilet paper??

I quick smooshed it with the paper itself, ball it up and throw it away and then proceed to inspect every other square front and back for "friends" of the newly departed Eensie Weensie Spider. None. Thanks God. I had a quick moment of relief before my mind started to go somewhere it really shouldn't have.

What IF I didn't SEE the spider and USED the spider to wipe my cooch AND then went to the Twat Dr. thinking I was all coiffed and trim only to have the Doctor say, "Well, you don't have cervical cancer - but you DO have a smashed spider on your cooch."

How many late night trips to the bathroom, sans lights, not even opening my eyes to walk to the bathroom, let alone inspect the toilet paper. Could he have been there all along, plotting his time to pounce. Had there been others?? I was starting to feel weak in the knees and really quite sick.

But, I had to press on. I arrived at the dr's office at the 20 minutes before appointment time that was asked of me, to fill out enough paperwork to be my last will and testament. I see the signs everywhere to turn off your cell phone, which I ignore, as everyone I KNOW, knows I am going to the Twat Dr. And totally disregard the fact that my phone is on the LOUDEST selection of Roaring Guitar. OF COURSE, wailing guitar sounds ensue - I quick snatch (ha, I said snatch) up phone to see that I missed a call from my sister and swore as I turned it off under the GLARES from the receptionists. Rule Breaker.

Soon I am being whisked into the inner office to have pee cup filled, weight obtained (GOD LOVE the nurse who did NOT announce my weight OUT LOUD as some of them do.), height (Am I the ONLY one who tries to straighten up to seem more proportionate? Just me?) and then off to the LITTLE room. But not before I run head-on into Miss Thing's teacher. VERY awkward to meet like this. Right outside the LITTLE room. Not like I'm gonna shake her hand, right??

Nurse informs me that the Twat Doctor has a Medical Student with him, and does she have my permission to let her come in as well. "Sure, I say. After 2 kids, there's not many people who haven't seen it yet, right?" She half-laughs, half looks through my charts to see what crazy pills I'm on. "We all have the same thing", Nice Nurse says. Yes, but SHE didn't know I ALMOST had a decorative spider sticker on mine - but I don't tell her that. Next is the blood pressure, which normally I have to TRY to control my breathing to keep it down - but since Nice Nurse did not use the bullhorn to announce my weight, I was feeling pretty good.

She leaves me with the new fabric gowns, (they must have ungraded from the paper since last year), and tells me everything off. I have, on more than one occasion, on purpose left my socks on, cuz really the thought of my bare tootsies on top of those nasty booties grosses me out. This is probably a really insignificant thing to worry about as I notice the speculum sitting in the disinfectant blue water in its stainless steel pool. I tried to explain to DH, what in fact goes on with that and likened it to a car jack, only horizontal. I was using my hands to demonstrate. They were palm to palm together and then keeping fingers touching pulled my palms apart. He said "No wonder" and I shot him a look that if he continues that thought I might use a speculum on him. He never finished the thought.

Twat Dr. is a lovely round man with a sparkle in his eye that I can't quite explain as I am certain looking at Cooches all day must dull the senses to some degree. He makes me think otherwise. His Newbie Student could not seem to bring herself to make eye contact and I kinda felt sorry for her for that. The exam was over in no time with a brief question and answer about the new DNA HPV/PAP test for women over 30, mammograms upcoming for next year since I am "of age" and sharing of the kids' pictures. Twat Dr. is off to see other Snatches and tells me before he leaves, that I look great. Even though he's lying, I still love him for this.

As I quickly get dressed, I can't help but wonder what he has seen in his years as a Vertical Slit Dr. Has he ever seen the Eensie Weensie Spider? Toilet paper stuck in someone's cheeks? Perhaps that's the sparkle he has. The never knowing exactly what he might find. Perhaps that's also the reason the Student couldn't make eye contact. She's afraid to see the Spider. At least it wasn't me, this year.

As I walked out, I couldn't help humming......."The Eensie Weensie Spider went up the water spout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out. Out came the sun and dried up all the rain. So, the Eensie Weensie Spider climbed up the spout again."

July 21, 2006

Knowledge Is Power

As I've told you before, I am a GOOGLE Whore.

I am ALL ABOUT all that is listed on the internet. I love to find things out by simply typing in a few words and getting a plethora of answers. I like the detective work that goes along with it. Sleuthing out the correct, or at the very least, the most plausible answer. And I like the anonymity it provides. No one need know that I am an idiot and do not know that you CAN if fact, jump start a lawnmower with a car...I woulda thought the whole thing to go kablooie - but I am assured this is not so by the ALMIGHTY Search Engine and all of its minions.

I like that I DO NOT have to get in my car, drive to the town library and act as if I actually understand the Dewy Decimal System. (Which GOOGLE explains to me as this "Dewey numbers divide humanity's knowledge, ideas, and artistic creations into ten major categories spanning a range from 000 to 999: 000 Generalities, 100 Philosophy & psychology, 200 Religion, 300 Social sciences, 400 Language, 500 Natural sciences & math, 600 Technology (Applied sciences), 700 The arts, 800 Literature & rhetoric, 900 Geography & history. There is a subdivision of 9 and another further subdivision of 9 after that."

NOW YOU KNOW. I know, I didn't have a fucking clue either.

I can find out just about anything in a matter of minutes. Click, click, click - presto.

From the lyrics to a song, to how to get mold off of your house, to what that funny shorthand in IM REALLY meant - its all there just waiting for my greedy fingers to find it. Of course, there are scary things along the way that you find as well, but I take those in stride, kinda like the rogue fry in your onion rings. It's okay with me.

This got me thinking.

How in the world did I EVER survive without the internet. I MEAN, there WAS a time before internet. Kinda like BI (Before Internet) or possibly BDU (Before Dial Up). God, dial-up seems like eons ago already - and it was a mere 5 years ago.

How DID I get information?

I asked DH this tonight. He pondered it and said, "Well, I guess the library, or magazine articles, the newspaper and from people."

"People?", I asked with a vision of a help desk in my head.

"Yeah, ya know your peeps - you could ask them something."

"Ooooooohhhh your peeps - I gotcha."

"Except for me." he says.

"What? YOU didn't have PEEPS. EVERYONE has peeps."


"Come on, I know you hung with Fonzie, Vinny, Enzo and Tony...just to name I few" (I wish I was kidding with those names - but no.)

"Those were my paesons - not my peeps."

Ah ha. Mystery solved. And now, my peeps, you can find it on the internet.

July 20, 2006

Since When Is It In The Rule Book...

That the MOM has the drive around in the family car. Actually, its more like the automobile that SCREAMS I Have Kids, Don't Bother To Look At Me because I Am Wearing No Make-up, A Cat Sweater and Mom Jeans.


I know, I know - some of you LOVE your Mini-Vans. (I know my sister is orgasming in her borrowed one as we speak.) I am NOT a Mini-Van lover. It kind of reminds me of the short bus, if you know what I mean. And NO ONE wants to be associated with a Short Bus Window Licker. Yeah, I said it. Out Loud.

I know there are lots of advantages to driving around in the ark - but we have outgrown its usefulness. Instead of leaving the house with 16 bags, a stroller, a pack 'n play, a traveling car seat, a zillion toys and assorted binkies - we rarely take with us more than an action figure, an ipod and my knock-off GUCCI bag. Yes, it is roomy - and I do like that - but I think I can give it up for a semi-cool ride.

I have had a Bright Blue Mini-Van for the last 6 years and I believe it has stolen a piece of my soul. Ya can't crank Metallica from the Blue Mini-Van!! Seriously, the stereo sucks balls anyway. Even with my Ipod.

DH drives this.

Wouldn't YOU rather drive this?????
Yeah, me too. And yes, I take it out on rare occasions to rattle my brain with the Boise stereo and shock-start my heart with the quick acceleration. But, it ain't mine.

I am looking into a new car. And yes, it needs to be a family car. One that won't kill me softly - mind or pocket.

What's your stance on the whole Mom Car thing??

July 19, 2006

Random Spurtings

Things I may or may not have done in the past 5 days....

1. Been in the pool every day at least long enough to have to get out no fewer than 3 times to pee.

2. Saw my cutie-patootie Niece and Nephew devour cupcakes on their 1st birthday.

3. Cross myself a few times and thank Jesus I didn't have as many kids as there was running amok in my sister's house.

4. Wish the kiddie pool, at the twins party, was big enough to hold my fat ass and all 28 children....

5. Had over the couple from hell, who were on best behavior on Sunday, but stayed for not only lunch (which they were invited to) but also for dinner (not invited) with their 2 kids.

6. Caught Org for my kids entertainment. He may or may not have had his own house.

Isn't he lovely?

7. Cleaned out (THREW out mostly) both of my kid's bedroom closets, as well as bought organizers as Target.

8. Found out what a LOSER mother I am, since their School Days Book are 3 YEARS BEHIND..... YESSSSSS!!!!!

9. After sifting through 500 pieces of paper which included all artwork saved, school report cards, school pictures, newspaper clippings and awards, I realized I was never going to be done with this.

10. Then I started sweating thinking about the 100 - 120 envelopes of developed pictures taunting me from downstairs that are still not in albums - or scrap booked - or anything. I think the last time I put away pictures was 2001.

11. I thanked God I got a digital camera and just don't bother to print them out at all anymore.

12. I drank.

13. First day of Summer Camp - both my kids were crying over nothing, obviously they were nervous. Of all the fucking things to be scared over - I'll give ya something to be scared about. Oh crap, THAT was my father right there.....

14. I went to my Gyno appointment on the wrong day. It's tomorrow.

15. I sent my kids to Summer Camp today with no sun-block on in 100 degree weather. I am SO winning mother of the year. Fuck You, I am.

I am not actually admitting to any one of these - I MAY or MAY NOT have done them - just so we're clear.

July 18, 2006

So As Not To Lose My Street Cred

While bobbing in the pool last night in this crazy-ass heat (over 100 today - My God I might melt) with my hubby and the kids and radio blaring - hubby and I find ourselves singing along....

"My musics so loud.
I'm swangin'.
They hopin'
That they gon' catch me ridin' dirty.

That they gon' catch me ridin' dirty."

Startled - I look over at DH half through the third time saying it and I say, "Wait a minute - what exactly DOES THAT MEAN?! Are we saying something we shouldn't be?!"

DH got a weird little look on his face and shrugs his shoulders..."No idea."

I looked it up. I GOOGLED it. (Of course, I did.)

Catch Me Riding Dirty - "Riding dirty means getting caught by the police with contraband, or in urban slang, gettin caught by da po po, wid some of dat dro dro."

So, ya know. I'm here to help.

Sorry for my lame blogging - I have been crazy cleaning closets and organizing and gearing up for school AND dragging ass in this crazy heat. I have a bunch to post later on...until then....

"Ya Gon' Catch Me Riding Dirty.....MY Music's SO Loud..........

July 13, 2006

Thank You, Thank You Very Much

Let me tell you a little bit about my extended family (read White Trash expose coming right NOW.) I have a really large family. EXTENDED FAMILY. In our little family - its just me and my awesome Sis. My parents, however, were born into litters.

In my Mom's family there were 13 kids and my Dad's there are 7. That means I have, like 10,000 cousins - because these people, for the most part, are uneducated and lack the common sense to NOT bring another child into the world when your only employment is at the local BAGEL FUCKING SHOP! Ahem.

After telling you a bit about "the" uncle - in the Go Ahead Ask Questions post, it is fair to say that we are written off from my mother's side of the family because they think I lied. That we lied. And how dare we talk ill about the dead. Ah huh. Why do you think he blew HIS own head off???? Whatever, I'm over the fact that my own Grandparents choose to turn a blind eye and side with a pedophile - that's their cross to bear and their questions that they'll need to answer to their maker - not me. My conscience is clear.

My father's side is certainly no picnic either. I am certain Sherry has mentioned Auntie Horse Head in a previous post - but to refresh your memories - Horse Head is my father's sister. She is trouble. BIG trouble. Actually she is Satan in a size 20 dress. An ill-fitting dress. With a head as large as, well you guessed it - a horse. She is the most manipulative person I have ever met. And ruthless. And mean. And she lies. AND she thinks everyone OWES her something. Boo hoo she had a bummer of a childhood. Stand in line, sister!! Anyway Horse Head has NEVER had a job. NEVER. She married a much older man and has produced 2 spawns of Satan. (Following along? I know, it's not easy.)

Older daughter, we'll call her I Dropped Out Of College To Marry A FUCKING HUGE Idiot, wait that's too long - how about Living MY Life Through My Daughter Whom I Am Torturing By Social Isolation and Non-Group Involvement Home Schooling Because I Was Picked On In School....wait, that might be too long too....how about One Who Sent A Letter Asking For Money For Her Daughter To Take Acting Lessons...remember Sherry's post??? I'll wait - go read.... Ok - now that everyone is caught up...

YOUNGER sister, (Mini Satan) one who's husband slept with other GROSS cousin and she divorced him.... she went and got herself knocked up. By someone at work. Who dropped her faster than The Tower of Terror when the strip turned pink. Mini Satan is not the nicest of people. Actually she's foul-mouthed in ALL times and racy enough to make ME blush. She's ignorant and moody and horrible in general.


I have always liked Mini Satan.

Probably because she has always been the Black Sheep of her immediate family. I think I have always felt she started off bad being born into her unfortunate household and had she been put into another situation, I'm sure she would have had a fighting chance. And now this. She moved back into Auntie HorseNoggin's house after the divorce and has not left. She was going back to school to be some sort of Emergency Room Assistant and I cheered for her at the safe distance of my own home. These people are not the sort to have over your house. They never leave. They do not bring anything. They do not lift a finger. And they never miss an opportunity to mention how YOU have MORE than them and WOULDN'T it be SO nice to share. I don't fucking think so. I work hard for the money....sing it....... (I know you know the words - stop acting like I'm the only one!!)


I waited to get a baby shower invitation. None came. I waited to get a birth announcement ..... BAHHHHHAAAAHAAAAHAA...sorry I KILL me..... AS IF?! What DID come was an email of the newest arrival from OLDER sister with pictures of the baby, Older sister's daughter with baby and Older sister's Nut Job of a husband with baby. No picture of Mom with New baby. Weird??? Maybe. But, I looked like shit right after both births and would have gutted you like a fish with a box cutter had you EVEN THOUGHT about bringing in anything that would permanently document I REALLY DID look like that. So, maybe not so weird.

I email cousin and say appropriate Congrats New Auntie and ask what New Mom needs or did not get from her shower, as I would like to send something. Cousin says - she'll check because they DID NOT have a shower for her. WHAT?! No shower for the unwed, still living at home new mom?? Listen, I am not so old school that I think there is anything WRONG with her having this baby - quite the contrary - I am happy she chose to keep it and perhaps be forced into learning some responsibility. Nor does anyone in that family, have such high morals that they were hiding her away and keeping the baby a secret. And, its not like she's 14 - she's in her 30's. The story I am told is, New Mom, was very sick through whole pregnancy and they were unsure if even she was going to make it. So, no shower - so they wouldn't have to return the gifts or something. Morbid, no?

Ok, so I decide to get a Gift Card from Toys R Us, figure she can buy what she needs, right? Not like I SEE this cousin or even in the realm of calling each other. A gesture. Because I can. $50. I bought a nice card - wrote a short note wishing everyone well and dropped it in the mail fully aware that I would probably never get a response, let alone a thank you card. And I was OK with that. I took much flack from my parents about this. They thought I should not bother since this girl is a waste - yadda yadda. I stand firm that whether any of this is true is not my concern, this new baby has no choice to grow up crazy and well if I could help I would.

Yesterday, while dodging rain drops (AGAIN), I got the mail and in it was a little card addressed to our family from none other than the cousin. I BEAMED. She HAD changed. She had sent a thank you card.

I ripped it open and saw this...

Nice enough, no?

And here's what was inside...

Need a BETTER look??

In case you missed it....It Says "Every little bit helps since I didn't have a baby shower."

She WROTE THAT, in my THANK YOU CARD. To THANK ME for my $50 Gift Card Gift!! That I sent on MY OWN accord.

We have a classy family, no?? So, tell me, dear blogfriends, what in hell, your families have done to shock you.
I have to go poke forks in my eyes in preparation for the "I Told You So's" soon to ensue from my parents. Go.....

July 10, 2006

Ramble On, And Now's The Time, The Time Is Now, To Sing My Song

Monday morning after a long, relaxing weekend kinda feels about as nice as having my teeth drilled.
(On a total Random Side Note - THIS does not hurt AT ALL and totally works.)

I have to tell you, I have really adapted to Summer Life and having the kids home. I thought I might miss having some of that Me Time, Free Time. But...I'm good. It far out weighs the hectic Go, Go, Go Schedule we had lived through during the year. And, I've decided that I LIKE THIS PACE. So much so, that I am doing something I have not done in the 7 years I have had my business. I am making Summer Hours for myself.

I'm taking Fridays off for the rest of the summer.

I know, I know, it's only 6 more weeks, but this is a huge step for me. With this schedule, I can PLAN to take the kids places on Fridays without any STRESS of wondering what might be happening with work. Maybe I'm missing a job - or God Forbid, a deadline. (Not that I don't have my new handy-dandy cell phone with email etc - but its better to go KNOWING I have no responsibilities for the day. I can let my hair down and not rush getting back.)

And I'm HAPPY with that.
Happy Mommy = Happy Kids = Happy Daddy Later On.
(That's not NEW math - that's old school math.)

So, my first official Friday (last Friday) we went to Quassy Amusement Park with the neighbors. They have a beach and a water park and we did it ALL. Best part? Grandma came to pick them up later on and DH and I went out to dinner with some friends. Yes, WE DID. Did I drink too much? YES, I DID. But it was still fun.

Saturday, DH and I installed hard wired low-voltage lighting for landscape lights in the front and side yard. If, you MISSED that, I said WE did it ourselves. (Sherry's mouth is agape right now. CLOSE YOUR MOUTH you'll catch flies.) Perhaps, this is no BIG DEAL for you all...but around here - we don't usually roll like that. And there are reasons for that - none of which have anything to do with lazy...

A) DH has had TWO back surgeries on the same disc - one more will result in a Fusion to his spinal column, and well - I am not willing to risk that. The other surgeries were hard enough on him emotionally and physically and he constantly copes with feeling Less Of A Man, being unable to do things he used to be able to. So, for the things that require some physical labor - we usually hire someone (the lawn, plowing, etc.) Fuck it, life is too short.

B) This project required the following - LIVE Wiring, digging trenches, and other back-breaking manual labor. (Over 150 freaking feet of wiring people.....)

C) DH and I never used to work very well together. Seems we both like to be Captain. Can't run a tight ship with 2 Captains with 2 different ideas on how to get a job done.

With all that said, we did it anyway. He did the wiring, I dug trenches and we were done in about 4 hours. Best part? No fighting. Perhaps we are getting old, no? It looks unbelievable and I could hardly contain my look of awe at my not-only gorgeous-and-well-endowed hubby and his ability to wire that shit together. I was really happy, that for one day, he didn't feel like a broken man. (his words - not mine)

We spent the rest of the day lounging on the deck watching the kids play...well into the night where we smoked cigars and drank a bit too much after we put them to bed. Do you know how GROSS cigars are? BLECH! Never again. Seriously. This was not a very well thought out plan, as we were out of Citronella candles and DH thought this was the best way to keep the bugs away. That's the last time I let him be Captain.

And Sunday couldn't have been any better what with all of us crowded around the 50 inch LCD TV in the basement to watch Italy kick some ASS in the World Cup. Being born and bred in Italy, DH and my BIL could barely watch as it came down to penalty kicks. Italy does not have the best record when it comes to this dodge-ballesque ending. In my opinion, penalty kicks are a weird way to end I game, but I never have been a sports connoisseur, so what the fuck do I know.

I always feel bad for the losers, not because they lost, but because the camera guy always zooms in on the men crying. Grown men balls-out crying, gets to me. Perhaps its because my own father never shed a tear. Or maybe its because, my own husband, who admittedly has a black hole where others have hearts, only laughs harder when I bring up them crying. I'm not overly sensitive - but I DO understand being passionate and WANTING to win more than anything in the world. So, sue me if I get a little choked up with the losers. Even if it is France.

So, for Italians everywhere - (especially the ladies) - I give you the 2006 World Cup Champs.

God, I'm gonna miss watching them play.......... (sigh)

Next week the kids start summer camp, which lasts for 2 weeks, half days. I do need to plan what other Friday activities we will be doing. Of course, we plan a trip to Auntie Horkin to go play on the beach and newly installed water park. Anyone have any good ideas for summer fun? Day trips and the like on the East Coast?

July 05, 2006

What A Racket

The kids set up their Kool-Aid stand on Monday, hoping to make a few bucks that they already (in their minds) spent at the local Toy Store. Of course, they come out ahead, since I bought the Kool-Aid they were selling - it was pure profit. Not the best lesson in entrepreneurship - but oh well. A few hours of hard labor, out in the 90 degree blazing sun was as good a lesson in commitment as any, so off we went.

We set up shop with all of the necessary items. Kool-Aid stand (from Grandma) - check. Kool-Aid Jammers in the cooler with ice - check. Sign - check. Money for change - check. Shades - check. Lunch - check.

And they waited. Patiently. For a good 45 minutes. Not one customer. Did they give up? Hell, no. Because they are good kids with hard-working morals?? - Again HELL NO!.

It's because last year they set up shop and made $35.00 in 3 hours!! Yes, $35.00 dollars. I thought it would be a good lesson for them - set up shop, sit around, wave to the potential customers - make a few dollars. Maybe even learn how to make change. Never in my wildest imagination would I think they could make THAT much. So much for the lesson about HARD work, right?

Well, if you saw these 2 cuties waving their wanting-to-make-a-million-dollar smiles - I guess you might stop too.

First customers were our wonderful neighbors who stopped by. They had been working hard in the backyard - so they decided to "Cool Off" at the stand. I yelled to my kids (from my shady spot on the front porch) that they were to get the neighbors discount - FREE!! The neighbor waved me off - no such thing - carefully listened as they told them all of the flavor choices and then made his selection. He really played it up. They LOVED it. His son also made a choice, carefully turning to roll his eyes at his father's acting - he's 12 after all and thought it was SO STUPID. My kids (nor dear old dad) never noticed, but it gave me a chuckle.
And of course - he paid them - off they went.

I ASSUMED he gave them a dollar since each were 50 cents. Ahhhhh NO. He gave them $2 - keep the change.

The next customer went flying by in a red car, that I believe may have been bouncing with the way the bass drum was kicking - stopped and turned back into the driveway. A young, very good looking, well-dressed man steps out - hollers to me that he is another neighbor's son and goes into the same act. I yell to the kids to make sure to give him his change - again I get the wave off and away he speeds. The kids came running over to show me the $4.00 he paid for ONE Kool Aid Jammer! 4 fucking dollars!! WTF? How nice IS that??

So, while I sat ROUGHING IT (YES that IS a cellphone, Ipod and digital camera, as well as, my house phone), this kind of generosity was the theme of the day. Some people just pulled in to GIVE their money - no product exchanged. Weird. I wondered, to myself, if I would do that. I think I would. I guess I would HAVE to now, right?

When all was said and done, (read they were fried sitting out in the direct sun-light for 3 hours) - they made $15.00. Not bad for the Under 9 crowd. Off we went, to go dip in the pool and dream about how they were going to spend their fortunes. Maybe they can keep this up and pay for college.......

Well, it IS summer and a girl CAN dream, no?

July 03, 2006

Techno Junkie

And not the dance crap - PALLLLEASE. You all know my freak flag flies high for the bad boys of Hard Rock preferably of the 80's genre. If only I could show you my Ipod Photo - all 60 gigs of space just SCREAMING for some leather clad, hair spray teased, lipstick wearing man with a guitar. Ahem. But I digress. Besides the obvious, I think I may have a problem. I am, well addicted to all things techie. New equipment. I. NEED. It.

I have in my possession the following:

(These are work things - so I can justify the writeoffs - but still...)
19" LCD flat screen monitor
G5 Mac computer with DVD writer
External 60 gig hard drive
External 250 gig hard drive
External CD writer (in addition to the DVD writer simply because I had it first...)
External Portable 60 gig hard drive for my laptop
Power Mac laptop (Its crappy and old - but works by the pool)
1 Gig Jump Drive
8.5 x 11 Epson printer
11 x 17 Epson printer
fax machine
Wacom tablet (that I hardly use)
Sony T-1 Cybershot 5 megapixel camera - I LOVE this camera
60 gig Ipod (I mentioned like 10 times)

Have your eyes glazed over yet??

and I had a Blackberry (to get emails out of the office but reply like I WAS in the office) - but I traded it in - for THIS...

The NEW Cingular 8125. OMG the awesomeness of this phone/camera/love-of-my-life (next to my ipod of course). And of course, I had to get the bluetooth headset. Now I can look like her...

Lieutenant Ohura always had that weird earpiece in. She was ahead of her time no? Now everyone walks around with these weird earrings in. (And they say the 80's were decadent?!)

I realize that this makes me an Equipment Whore - but quite frankly - I'm ok with that. My kids won't have to show me how to program the VCR, if you know what I mean. And when they are IMing - at least I'll know where on the internet to go to translate their weird short-hand. LOL. (It's all I know.) So until them, I am off to go sit outside with the kids, with my new friend the 8125 and watch them try to hock some Kool-Aid at their stand. (I'll post pics on Wednesday.)

Have a great 4th.