December 20, 2007

Update To The Mug Issue

Since I had not received a call from "helpful" girl at CVS, I decided to take matters into my own damn hands. I found the order confirmation and called the Customer Care telephone number.

"Hi, this is Joshua at the Customer Care Center, can I help you?"

"Yes, Joshua, you can help me. I ordered a mug as a gift for my kids to give to their father online. I went last night to pick it up, and guess what? It was completely blank. Black. Barely an image on it."

"Huh, can you hold on one minute please?"


Minute goes by, I'm sure at this point I am going to get the run-around.



"It says here that you ordered a MAGIC MUG."

(I AM laughing.) "A "MAGIC" mug, huh? What does that even MEAN?"

"It means that the image is hidden until the cup is filled with hot liquid, then the image MAGICALLY appears."

"No kidding."

"Yes Ma'am."

So, I call the store to ensure that they do not ship off my mug and run there to go see if what Joshua is telling me is a crock or not. I even brought my own hot water to test his theory. I tell the Photo Chic (who by the way, is very helpful, unlike her co-worker the night before) about the MAGIC MUG and she says she has NEVER seen such a thing, didn't even know they sold it and please pour the water in because she didn't believe it.

I poured the water. Waited a minute. And low and behold, there was the fucking picture, bright and bold and awesome. I paid for it and was on my way.

MAGIC MUG. Go figure.

A Letter

Dear CVS Cashier that looks like she is 12,

When you called to say that my children's Christmas gift for their beloved father, that I had ordered on-line, had arrived at your precious store, I was delighted. It was in fact, my very last gift to secure before I could breathe a contented sigh and walk to my SUV a happy lady. I envisioned listening to Christmas music on my XM radio and stopping at D&D for a wonderful cappuccino for me and hubby. Whistling along to Bing - hey, maybe even tipping those crappy ass kids at the Dunkin. (Why do they do that anyway? Why do they need tips FOR DOING THEIR JOB?????)

Anyway. I headed out, weathering some snow and ice, determined to get my husband's gift of his gorgeous kids infused to a coffee mug for him to treasure. They were so excited when I left.

Yes, I waited a while in line. as it was very busy in your store. People were still ordering Christmas cards. But, I waited in the Photo Center line. SMILING. When it was my turn, your big Doe Eyes looked lost when I told you I was here to pick up said mug. You looked around and alas, you found it. You started to ring me up, but I interrupted.

May I please SEE the mug before I pay for it?

It's sealed.

Yes, I see that. Perhaps, you have scissors or a BOX FUCKING CUTTER??

Hands me scissors. I anxiously and carefully open it. Ever-so-gently remove the top and look inside.....

What the hell is this?



Oh. The mug looks....(wait for it).....blank. You really can't see the picture can you? (Continues to try to ring me out)

Uhhhhhhh...what exactly are you going to do about this?

What do you mean?

THIS was a Christmas GIFT from my KIDS for their FATHER and it is RUINED. What are YOU going to do?

(blink. blink) You can call Kodak.

Me???!!! Do you have a manager? (I initially just wrote manger - Jesus, help me)

She doesn't know anything about Photo.

Can you get her anyway? (the last part was through clenched jaw and a glass paper weight in my hand. kidding. maybe)

Manager (I did it again Manger - Christ) is about 25 with a huge red chapped mark around her entire mouth that my daughter used to get when she was 4 from licking it. I am thrown by this momentarily. Does she lick her lips above and below them to do that? Seriously? No, has to be another reason.

I tell manager the story. She offers to call and see if they can (lick) expedite it. (Did she really just do that?)

I pause. Yes, please do that.

Dials number (lick), pushes a few buttons (lick), tells me she'll keep trying (lick).

What THE HELL??? Did no one ever tell you NOT to do that??? I hope Santa brings her some chapstick.

Dejected and a bit distracted I left without the gift. I guess I'll have to figure something else out for them to give hubby.

I did get those cappuccinos to bring home. But, Fuck Those Kids, they got no tip. Maybe Santa will bring them a dose of do not, nor should not, get tipped for doing what you are PAID to do. Handing my coffee to me is not waiting on my every need. Grow up. And stop licking your lips.

December 19, 2007

Christmas Cheer, Eh, Not So Much...

I have done absolutely everything on my list of To-Do's besides wrapping and really, I'm not done with that because I HATE wrapping.

This time of year used to be so much fun, and somewhere, somehow along the way, I completely lost that fun. I try very hard every year to "get into the spirit" of the season. I am truly SO blessed in so many ways, yet not happy with that. And I am ashamed about that. People have so much less, so much more pain and are so much happier. I feel pathetic. I try to lighten my load, make myself be organized and yet, it never seems to lighten enough to feel joy.

I try to listen to Christmas music, but it always reminds me of my childhood and how HAPPY I was then - which makes me smile (for a second) and then sad that I am nowhere near that place now. Fucked, no?

I hate wrapping, so I use gift bags for everyone except the kids. Which should make it better, right? No.

I grew weary writing Christmas cards - so - I have them made, preprinted with our little holiday wishes, input all addresses into the computer and then just stick them on. Self-stick addresses, return addresses and stamps and poof - we're done. My pen never touches a card. Great right? Nope.

I was overloaded with the gift giving arena and made everyone pledge to take it way, way down. Better, but good? No.

I don't know if it a seasonal thing or that fact that there is so much that leads up to this glorious event, so many balls up in the air and then in a short 24 hours - its ALL OVER. I just don't know.

I am TRYING. I am really rallying to make this a good holiday. IT WILL BE A GOOD HOLIDAY. Sorry to unload all of this, I've been carrying it for awhile and needed it off my back. If I sneer at you, I apologize, it is a smile trying to twist itself out.

December 16, 2007

Christmas Checklist

All presents bought for EVERYONE in family - check

All presents for others bought and wrapped - check

All of my MIL's presents wrapped for her (I had to do this as SIL is out of the country) - check

Bought all stocking stuffer items - check

Christmas cards made, addressed, stamped and sent - check

11 different kinds of cookies made - check

Cookie swapped with Mom - check

Organized Cookie trays for everyone - check

Bottled, corked, shrink wrapped tops and made 7 different labels for FIL's wine for his present - he has NO idea - check

Left to do:

Wrap the kids MANY gifts (this includes assembling a drum set)

Send cookies fed-x to friends far away

Pick up mug with kids picture on it when it comes in

Pick up kids Christmas pictures and organize those for family (includes making ornaments from them)

I'm sure there is more - but I can't come up with it. I'm getting there! How are you doing?

December 13, 2007

Take That Vampires

Your Score: Garlic

You scored 50% intoxication, 75% hotness, 75% complexity, and 50% craziness!

You are Garlic!

No offence, but you stink. Pretty much everyone loves you, though. You're smart and pretty hot and you fit in with about any culture. You're a total cut-up; in fact, the more cut-up you get, the hotter you become. But be careful, when you get embarrassed, you turn really sweet.

Link: The Which Spice Are You Test written by jodiesattva on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

December 10, 2007

2007 Christmas Pictures

I am really late getting their pictures taken this year, but I'm not sweating it. I actually took my own pictures and had cards made at Costco over the weekend. And they'll be ready on Tuesday. And they only cost me $30.00 for a 100 cards. Totally a bargain.

Here's the pic I used.

I can' t get over how much more grown-up they look this year compared to last.

We also made a special trip to go to the mall to get our pictures taken with Santa. I think they went along with it more out of tradition and obligation than because they wanted to. While standing in line Miss Thing informed me that she was NOT sitting on his lap. Lil Man concurred. Sniff. No one was sitting with Santa. DH must have seen my eyes well up and whispered that we were lucky to even be here given their age. He was right. I just don't want it to be over. Not that they ever thought THIS Santa was the real deal, but still.

It was our turn and Santa must have sweet talked her into it, because she did scamper up into his lap. He spoke with them at length for at least five minutes. They all had mischievous grins on their faces. It was so cute.

I yelled over to Miss Thing to tell her to be sure to tell Santa what I wanted, a new set of pans. She spoke to Santa, smiles, and then turned back to me.

"He says you have to be a good girl FIRST."

What the hell, how did he know me SO well. I almost peed myself laughing. What a great Santa. The kids thought he was great and perhaps he DID know the real Santa since he KNEW I was not always good. Too funny. If this IS the last year, it ended on a great note.

Here's the pic.

Here's last year's picture. They look so little.

Where did the time go?

December 06, 2007

We Don't Text Message

Is that shocking to all of you?

DH & I just don't do it. I see no need. If I need to talk to him, I call. If I am busy, I wait. If he is busy, he waits. If I am at my computer, I email. It's not that I can't, after all, my phone has a full drop down keyboard. I use the keyboard to send emails from my phone. But, I don't text message. I just don't do it.

I have friends who are obsessed with texting. Their fingers word overtime over the tiny keypad, clicking and double clicking to get just the right letter. And they use that abbreviated language. I just never GOT why they did that, until I learned that the average text message can only be 160 CHARACTERS or less. Hence, the abbreviations. To say more, write less letters. OK. Since I don't USE the language, I don't really know a whole lot about it. I know the basics.... BRB, LOL and even C U L8ter. I don't know the fancy ones that are really numbers that MEAN something. I have no clue about those. And DH, he knows even less.

Yesterday, I emailed him asking what number he wanted for his Football Jersey that was to one of his presents. And BTW what size would he like L or XL?

His response (and I quote).... "By the way (BTW) come on give it to me. I know my fa-shiz-al. "

When he got home, I razzed him about his email. "Ya know, it wasn't a test - that BTW, I assumed you knew it. ........ You DID know it didn't you - did you have to look it up? Oh God, did you ASK someone?"

"NO! I KNEW it."


DH smirking..."Yeah, and I was all LOL when I saw it."

Laughing now..."BTW - You're an asshole. And no one says fashizzel anymore. You have no street cred what-so-ever."

Dh...."blink. blink."


December 04, 2007

Because I Like To Share

Sometimes too much. My sister , she knows this well.

So, this advice, dear sister is for you....

You should NOT have a TV in your bedroom. I know this because I DO have one in my bedroom. And that TV, well, she's on a lot - as background noise. And a muffler of noise for those times when you are not quite sure if those pesky kids are SOUND ASLEEP or not. Ahem. So, IF you are using it as a muffler and the station that just HAPPENED to be on is the Iron Chef starring PAULA DEEN ......there will be no necessary "concentration".

Because you will listening to all of her "ya'lls" and "southern gals" and high pitched hyena laugh. And then....nothing. She might make heavenly Red Velvet cake, but her voice could dry up the Mississippi, ya'll.

I share, because I love you all.