A Letter

Dear CVS Cashier that looks like she is 12,

When you called to say that my children's Christmas gift for their beloved father, that I had ordered on-line, had arrived at your precious store, I was delighted. It was in fact, my very last gift to secure before I could breathe a contented sigh and walk to my SUV a happy lady. I envisioned listening to Christmas music on my XM radio and stopping at D&D for a wonderful cappuccino for me and hubby. Whistling along to Bing - hey, maybe even tipping those crappy ass kids at the Dunkin. (Why do they do that anyway? Why do they need tips FOR DOING THEIR JOB?????)

Anyway. I headed out, weathering some snow and ice, determined to get my husband's gift of his gorgeous kids infused to a coffee mug for him to treasure. They were so excited when I left.

Yes, I waited a while in line. as it was very busy in your store. People were still ordering Christmas cards. But, I waited in the Photo Center line. SMILING. When it was my turn, your big Doe Eyes looked lost when I told you I was here to pick up said mug. You looked around and alas, you found it. You started to ring me up, but I interrupted.

May I please SEE the mug before I pay for it?

It's sealed.

Yes, I see that. Perhaps, you have scissors or a BOX FUCKING CUTTER??

Hands me scissors. I anxiously and carefully open it. Ever-so-gently remove the top and look inside.....

What the hell is this?

Huh?

WHAT. THE. HELL. IS. THIS?

Oh. The mug looks....(wait for it).....blank. You really can't see the picture can you? (Continues to try to ring me out)

Uhhhhhhh...what exactly are you going to do about this?

What do you mean?

THIS was a Christmas GIFT from my KIDS for their FATHER and it is RUINED. What are YOU going to do?

(blink. blink) You can call Kodak.

Me???!!! Do you have a manager? (I initially just wrote manger - Jesus, help me)

She doesn't know anything about Photo.

Can you get her anyway? (the last part was through clenched jaw and a glass paper weight in my hand. kidding. maybe)

Manager (I did it again Manger - Christ) is about 25 with a huge red chapped mark around her entire mouth that my daughter used to get when she was 4 from licking it. I am thrown by this momentarily. Does she lick her lips above and below them to do that? Seriously? No, has to be another reason.

I tell manager the story. She offers to call and see if they can (lick) expedite it. (Did she really just do that?)

I pause. Yes, please do that.

Dials number (lick), pushes a few buttons (lick), tells me she'll keep trying (lick).

What THE HELL??? Did no one ever tell you NOT to do that??? I hope Santa brings her some chapstick.

Dejected and a bit distracted I left without the gift. I guess I'll have to figure something else out for them to give hubby.

I did get those cappuccinos to bring home. But, Fuck Those Kids, they got no tip. Maybe Santa will bring them a dose of reality...you do not, nor should not, get tipped for doing what you are PAID to do. Handing my coffee to me is not waiting on my every need. Grow up. And stop licking your lips.