August 28, 2006

1st Day Of School 2006

Well here they are - all set for school.
Could ya just?

Goth Girl and Dead Head Boy.
They look like they are auditioning for a Cyndi Lauper video from the 80's.

At least I know they got my sense of accessorizing. Too much? Perhaps - but it IS the first day. Dress to impress.

And the attitude.... Not. An. Act.
Now, if I could only figure out WHERE in the world she picked that up from....

This morning proved to be a very smooth start to the school year. What's that? Did someone yell out "Sounds too good to be true?" Shit yeah, it was.

I find the only way I can deal right now is to write a little limerick (for the record, I have never EVER written one before - so fuck off)

All smiles and hugs and waves goodbye.
Armed with backpacks and snacks and money - oh my.
A few memorable pictures, a snap here and there.
A few last minute instructions - just to be clear.

Please be careful and watch and please CHEW your food.
I was greeted with I KNOW said with a mood.
So off they went - not a tear in HIS eyes
And not mine either after I said my goodbyes.

Not later than noon, the phone did ring
I looked at the caller I.D. with chagrin
Twas the nurse from the school calling for me
It was about Lil Man - it had to be.

Be still my heart - I'm sure he's alright
The nurse described his terrible plight.
It seems he was so nervous and scared and then some.
The burger and the rest decided to come out the way it had come.

That's right, internet friends he was so scared he puked.
On the very first day of school. Can you believe it?

God help me this year.

August 27, 2006

She's ALL Mine

Driving down the road, running errands, playing the radio at high decibels...

Miss Thing from the backseat - "Mom?"

Me - "Yeah?"

Miss Thing - "Can you put on your iPod?"

Me - "Sure. Why?"

Miss Thing - "Because its SO much better to listen to than the radio."

All is right with the world.

Three fingers to the sky out the window of the Big Blue Minivan, sticking out our tongues, bobbing our heads to AC/DC that is so loud it is rattling the flip-out windows in the way back.

*Fade To Black*

August 23, 2006

Burn Safety Tip #53

When deciding to cook chicken legs on the grill - and prior to grilling, you decide to throw them into a pot of boiling water to help the cooking process - it is NOT ADVISED to try to wedge apart said chicken legs with a giant plastic spoon while TALKING ON THE PHONE particularly if you are pulling the spoon TOWARDS you.

Because when the legs DO break apart, and the water sloshes over the top of the pan and douses your entire right side from you rib cage to you knee - it WILL blister and bleed THROUGH YOUR CLOTHES.

Burn Safety Tip #54

The kids will be scared as you run through the house, half naked with the huge bursting blisters exposed.

Burn Safety Tip #55

Standing next the grill after burning yourself with scalding hot water makes you pee a little in your pants. I'm just sayin.

August 21, 2006

There Were 3 In The Bed, And The Little One Said "Rollover...."

Yes, I'm back. How long did you actually think I could stay away from you bitches anyway? Exactly. Not long.

We had a thrilling, fun-filled weekend, what with the visit to Roger Williams Zoo in Providence, RI (by the fucking way....if EVER I say I am driving the kids to Providence from MY house on a FRIDAY with no other adult - kill me dead - seriously. How did I NOT know it took 2 1/2 hours EACH WAY?!?!) and then Six Flags on Saturday (SuperHero geeks unite!!And yes we DID get pictures with Wonder Woman - jealous much?!) and then off to my MIL's house to greet my newly returned from Belgium SIL and family.

So, imagine my surprise, while tucking in Lil Man last night, he sits bolt-upright and asks if he can sleep with me. Desperate. Like he had just seen Nightmare on Elm Street.

Me - "Sleep with me? Why?"

Lil Man - "Cuz I wanna sleep with someone."

Me - "You want me to ask your sister?"

Lil Man - "I already did. She said she wanted to sleep by herself."

Me - "Want me to lay here with you until you go to sleep? Because I am not ready to go to sleep yet. " (Other parents will see through this ruse as a way to NOT have a little person in your bed. I was TOTALLY trying to talk him out of it.)

Lil Man VERY desperate now - "I'll wait for you here. I'll try to stay awake. OK?"

(Now this is breaking my heart because he has NEVER asked to sleep in my bed in such a persistent manner. He might ask, smile when I say he's a big boy and can go to sleep himself. Nod, turn over and fall fast asleep. None of this is happening. I tell him he can sleep in my bed.)

Lil Man runs off jumps in my bed and I lie down next to him.

Me - "What's going on Peanut?"

Lil Man tears in his eyes - "Nuthin."

Me - "What? Tell me..."

Lil Man really fighting tears now - "Nuthin."

Me - "Are you scared? Are you nervous about school?"

Lil Man - "NO." Too quick. I know I've hit a nerve.

Me - "It's ok to be nervous. First grade is a big step. Are you nervous about lunch (MY fear because he has always been my CHOKER) or is it recess or the school work?"

Lil Man - throws a huge hug on me and buries his head into my chest, he is crying now. His response is muffled - I can't hear it.

Me - "What Peanut?"

Lil Man - "You. I'm going miss YOU."

A ha. The boy who has always been with me (I've worked at home his whole life) besides school, which was half days until now, is afraid to be without his Mom. He's going to miss me. Well, pal if you only knew the half of it. I'm gonna miss you more than anything. You are my little Pal. My Bud. The one I have hung out with, had lunch with and talked with for the last 3 years, while your sister was at school. I tell him none of this though.

Me - "How about if I give you a picture of me to put in your book bag and you can look at it whenever you miss me? How's that sound?"

Lil Man nods, clearly not buying it completely.

Me - "Listen Peanut, it is perfectly ok for you to feel this way. You can tell me anything. If you are afraid, nervous, scared or upset about ANYTHING. OK? How about if I come and pick you up from school the first few days instead of taking the bus home?"

Lil Man - eyes have lit up - "Every day?"

Me - "No, not every day. But I will for the first few days, until you want to take the bus with your friends. If I pick you up every day - how am I going to have time to make homemade chocolate chip cookies for when you get home?"

Lil Man half-asleep, smiling, murmurs, "Ok Mommy. I love you. You are the best mommy in the world."

Sweet Dreams my beautiful boy. Mommy is right here beside you.

August 14, 2006

Blah Monday

I am happy to report that the play date went well - no incidents - no bodies in the backyard.

I am just BLAH today and have been for a while about this blog. Maybe its the fact that summer is ending. Maybe its because I am so busy making last minute plans to go here or there to make the most out of the next few weeks. Maybe its because my job went from being very laid back this summer to ridiculously busy and very stressful. Or maybe its just because I have nothing to write about. No new material for you all.

I'm certain when the kids are back to school in a few weeks I'll have plenty.

But for now - I'm taking a little break. Rest assured I will still be around and reading yours.
UNtil then....

August 09, 2006

We're Having A Playdate Today

Can anyone guess who?


And her mother.
(I'll let that sink in.... Remember her?)

I would put a link to the archives - but since I don't have a fucking clue how - go back to June 6th if you need to refresh your memories....

Start saving your bail money.

If you don't hear from me in a few days - I'm burying the body.

School Clothes Shopping

Was never this freaking cool when I was a kid...

Miss Thing HAD to have this t-shirt for school. Well, who wouldn't?!

And I HAD to buy these for MYSELF when Kohl's had their big sale for a whole $5.60.


August 08, 2006

Note To Self

When trying to prove a passive aggressive point that I have a REASON for ALWAYS leaving the AC on and NOT opening the windows because it is HOTTER THAN HELL (even though DH thinks otherwise) and turn OFF the AC for the day downstairs and the kitchen has risen to 80+ degrees and you decide to cook ham, rice, corn bread (in the oven) for dinner.

AND THEN you decide that a nice fresh mozzarella and tomato (from FIL's garden) salad might be nice.

AND the kids are running around the house (which is 4000 degrees) and playing hide and seek and you decide to be a GOOD mom and play too.

That the spice mix you ALWAYS use to put on top of the salad looks EXACTLY like the cat treats bottle.

Until they are on top of you mozz & tomato salad.

UPDATED TO ADD: OK maybe if I READ the jars it doesn't look exactly alike. I did however, fish out the 5 or so treats that graced my salad, poured them back in the container, shook up the salad and served it to all. And YES, I did eat it too.

August 07, 2006

Holy Deodorant Batman

I know that to some of you (who are used to this kinda heat) I must sound like the biggest whiner on earth. Well, I am. But with reason. I am used to the Northeastern weather. COLD in the winter - LOTS of snow - Springtime buckets of Rain - Fall chills to make your bones creak at night - but the most perfect days EVA' - and Summer warm mixed in with some damn FINE days.

Not exactly my idea of a Damn Fine Day in good ole Connecticut.

This was taken in the Hell on Wheels Big Blue Minivan traveling from McDonalds to Walmart - talk about HELL, no?

Also, Lil Man went and decided to TEACH HIMSELF how to swim. How cool IS that, right? This has been a huge summer for him. Earlier in the summer, he taught himself how to in-line skate, as well. We are so proud of him because unlike Miss Thing who has never had a fear of trying to do anything (quite the opposite actually - you never met a more determined, competitive girl - except perhaps her mother - *cough*) he has always been very timid, cautious - a sidelines kid. VERY content to WATCH the world go by. If you all played a game and he lost - WELL GOOD FOR YOU you won - he was perfectly HAPPY with that. And truly, that made him about as sweet as a Easter Basket full o' PEEPS.

But, you wonder.

Wonder what this type of non-aggression, passive behavior will get him. No, I didn't think anything limp-wristed, I assure you. I worried more if he was gonna get the shit kicked out of him in school. Or get picked on. He's a sensitive kid. Quick to tears. And I have worried.

Until the other day. It was the last day of summer camp. The pizza party and ice cream day.

I walked in to the cafeteria to the usual pandemonium, ya know, the screaming, the yelling, the running around. NEVER did I expect to see the following.

My son in the ice cream line. Turned around. IN THE FACE OF THE BOY BEHIND HIM. Screaming, pushing and then........he kicked him. Two or three times. And yelled some more. AND THERE WERE NO TEARS. He was PISSED. I have never seen my passive little boy pissed off before. I didn't know whether to break it up or start a chant like in the RUDY movie. I nearly stood on a table and clapped. But I didn't.

I walked over and trying SO hard not to smile I asked what was going on, since clearly they were going to continue going at it and no teacher was stepping in. They both started telling me the other one had started it. I told them both to knock it off. Sternly I said this and looked at my son in the eyes. Ya know what he did?????? He EYEBALLED ME!! With squinted eyes. HE WAS PISSED. I almost laughed out loud, so I walked away and waited for him back at the table. When he returned, I asked him what had happened. He told me the boy had hit him in the back a few times and had hit him earlier in the week and he was a LIAR when he said he didn't do it. I almost chuckled. He had DEFENDED himself. Awesome. I high-fived him. And then whispered in his ear to watch himself next time as he could get in trouble for fighting even if he didn't start it.

OK - NOW they can start the school year.

August 02, 2006


It's going to be 100º today. But they say it will FEEL like 107º. Do you think this is what hell feels like? I'm just asking....

Thanks for all of your suggestions for the Bat Mitzvah gift ideas. I still need to call the family - but, with this heat, I haven't done much of anything lately. And I am WELL AWARE of my pathetic lack of posting - sorry - but just sitting here trying to THINK makes me sweat. I just don't seem to have anything to post about. Summer is almost over. The kids go back to school on August 28th. How lame is THAT?! I have been working, swimming with the kids, taking day trips on Fridays, trying to get everything ready for their first day in a few weeks.

Also. I think I really don't know how I feel about the fact that Lil Man will be in school full day with Miss Thing. And in turn, this will mean I have the WHOLE ENTIRE HOUSE and the ENTIRE DAY to MYSELF!!!!! No one asking for a snack. No one asking for a friend to come over. Meals on MY time - not whenever someone else is whining. Yes, I still have to work - but think of how productive I will be with no one underfoot. I may even be able to work quickly in the morning and have the afternoons to myself - maybe even watch Oprah (Tivo'd, of course). I'm not sure I will even know what to do with myself, by myself. I can workout whenever I choose - morning or afternoon. Huh? What do you know - I can have a life.

But. I might just be a tiny bit sad about all that. SHUT UP. I'm not that sad. Maybe a little.