September 24, 2007

OK, so Zen is SO Overrated Anyway....

That Zen I spoke about lasted approximately five minutes and then all hell broke loose.

I had forgotten that although we were supposed to leave bright and early for the Big E, Miss Thing had her first CCD class that ran until 11:00. Great. Not like you can skip the 1st day of religious education, what with the CONTRACT they make you sign and all. So, off to a late start.

Somehow I had put it out of my head that while neither of us was at all comfortable with it - we had given Miss Thing permission to have her VERY FIRST SLEEPOVER AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE after the Big E.

And I had no gift for said friend.

So, we run to the mall.

While at the mall, Miss Thing asks me for like the 10th time to PLEASE shave her legs because she is "a hairy beast". And if I could PLEASE buy her a bra. (Not like she exactly NEEDS one yet - but the bumps have started.)


So, Saturday night after the Big E, I dropped my little girl off to a total stranger's house and allowed her to sleep there, silently hoping that if there was a fire, the mother would make sure to grab my kid. See, I have issues - this is the stuff I think of...


And all was well, I picked her up Sunday morning and whisked them off to church. While there I looked at her legs. She WAS hairy. She is half Italian after all. There was a lot. And it was LONG.


Sunday night while she was in the shower she yelled for me. Begged me. I went into my office and got a safety razor. You did know that one of my clients is a national razor company right? I have a million razors in my office.

There I got a razor that has wire wrapped around the blades - it is next to impossible to cut yourself because the blades never actually touch your skin.

And I shaved her legs for her.


Fuck the Zen, does someone have Tequila?


At 11:31 AM, Anonymous sherry said...


That's a serious leap into the Tween world, isn't it? Wow. WOW.

As for the bra? Did you end up getting her one?

You're officially a parent of an almost teenager. Sweet crispy jeebus.

At 12:37 PM, Blogger Not a Granny said...

Woo Hoo before you know it she will be going to Prom!

Well, at least she still lets you in the bathroom with her!!

At 5:22 PM, Blogger Sharpie said...

Yes - I secured one tween sports bra from Limited Too - it only cost a right arm to the elbow.

At 7:13 AM, Blogger melodyann said...

hahahahaha, I'm stealing sherry's line, "sweet crispy jeebus".

sharpie, we let hopie start shaving in fourth grade. 'cause she was a furry little critter.

next thing you know, she'll be driving in HER car, radio up, windows down, a cell-phone to her ear, saying, "My mom is SUCH an asshole.."

This is why it sucks to have teenagers.... they are beastly things. sweet crispy jeebus. hee.

At 7:47 AM, Blogger Louise said...

WOW- big times. I still remember asking my mum to let me shave my legs- she gave me the old lint razor from the laundry...

... though come to think of it that was nothing compared with the time she took me to get my first bra- she walked straight up to the saleslady and in a loud voice asked: "Do you have a bra SMALL enough for her?"

hhmmm... by the sounds of it you've done really well.

At 9:23 AM, Blogger Kaleigh said...

Gap Kids has great little girl bras. So does Target. And yes, I learned all that this summer, when my tween really started to seem, er, tweeny.

Teen Spirit deodorant is nice, too.

At 11:46 AM, Anonymous sherry said...



Thud...the sound of me falling over in shock over my itty bitty little niece growing HAIR on her legs and BOOBS on her chest.

At 2:00 PM, Anonymous momoftwo! said...

Sharpie, you scared me with the Zen entry. Glad to see things are back to normal, hee hee! I like knowing I am not alone in all this. And this is what I have to look forward to in roughly a year?! Sweet crispy jeebus, please pass the Tequila ladies!


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