September 26, 2007

I've Been Labeled

While trolling through my usual favorite blog sites, I decided to check my stats figuring they would have plummeted what with the lack of posting and all. To my surprise THAT had not happened. (You like me, you really like me!!)

What I DID find was a site that had linked to mine that lumped me into a group of awesome MommyBloggers that were labeled self-deprecating. If you read through the entry she is not poking fun AT ME, per se - more in general to all of us, herself included. She had a running joke with a friend (i.e. THIS is why we suck being mothers! joke that I have with my good friend Laur) and the friend got ticked and may have taken it personally.

While I am not calling her out here, I did feel the need to respond to her comment there.

And I felt perhaps I should say it here too - but in more detail.

I am not self-deprecating.

I do not lower my value of my own existence, nor pray for it to change. What I DO is tell the freaking truth. It ain't always pretty. I fuck up. We ALL do. This charade that a lot of Moms put on about being perfect is a FARCE. It can NEVER happen. It is self-destructive to them and a bomb waiting to go off for everyone else around them.

I am not perfect - FAR from it actually. But I am ALWAYS me. I am real. I have all the guilt and fears and regrets every other Mom has. I deal with mine with humor. Cuz honestly, sometimes it is laugh or cry. Do I try my best? Absolutely. Do I fuck up something on a weekly basis. Uh huh. Do I worry that something I will do in my kid's lifetime will put them on a doctor's couch? You know it.

But, I accept myself for it. I am ONE person who has a lot of responsibilities and if I can't turn around and cut myself some slack - who the fuck will? Should I teach my kids to be over-critical of their mistakes - never accepting themselves and hating their very core. Fuck that. We LAUGH. At ourselves, at each other and at total strangers.

The bottom line is this. What I do here is tell stories about my life no differently then if you were over my house for coffee. I have an abundant amount of material that I take from MY OWN LIFE. I enjoy laughing. I try my best every day and sometimes it pans out....and other times...not so much.

I tell the SAME stories in the SAME way at birthday parties, at family functions and PTO meetings - well, actually THAT is a total lie - cuz, I do not linger at those AT ALL - I get my fundraiser stuff and get the fuck out of there. People LAUGH when I open up and tell them my stories. They appreciate someone being real and not competing with them for Super Mom status. I don't want your job lady - I have my own.

I am not self-deprecating. I LOVE my life. I LOVE my husband. I LOVE my kids. I LOVE my business. I LOVE teaching. I sorta like going back to Grad school. I LOVE my house and all the cracks and dents. And I will continue to laugh and tell jokes about myself and my family. I hope you all do too.


At 11:41 AM, Blogger Not a Granny said...

Woo Hoo! I like your stories!

At 12:09 PM, Anonymous Susan said...

Bravo! Well done.

At 2:44 PM, Anonymous JayMonster said...


Self-deprecation is a form of humor in which people or comedians make jokes about themselves, their shortcomings, or their culture, usually without being guided by any underlying self-esteem issues.(Wikipedia -

My guess is that it is more along this line of a definition that the writer you are talking about is speaking. It has nothing to do with Self-Esteem or liking yourself, just using natural shortcoming and highlighting them in a humorous fashion.

(For example, pointing out that because of this or that you will not be winning mother of the year ;)

At 3:04 PM, Blogger Sharpie said...

Jay - I agree and as I said - she was including herself in the mix of Moms who find it better to laugh than to either deny the truth or worse cry over it.

MY point was - too many moms take themselves and others FAR too serious in life and pretend to be something they are not. This is not this writer nor myself - others I know, see and read about.

If we are all truthful about ourselves - we will be much happier. I choose to see the humor in it.

At 1:16 PM, Blogger Kaleigh said...

Yeah, I think we're actually on the same page here.

But there is more to it than just using self-deprecation as a humorous device. I see (a trend? a group? a genre?) mommybloggers (in particular, not only) using self-deprecation very specifically. I think it has a lot to do with making sure nobody thinks that we think we're all perfect and have everything figured out. Does that even make sense? Self-deprecation as a playing-field-leveler?

Sorry if my original post wasn't clear. I'm definitely not accusing you of anything. :-)

At 7:51 PM, Blogger Jill said...

I love your honesty. I agree with you. Too many people ask "how are things?" The answer they want is "GREAT!" God forbid you tell the truth. It flips people out.


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