A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Blog

When I started this blog, back in February (I can't believe its not longer than that) I did so with no expectation. I had read my sister's blog for a while. How about I snooped until I found her blog. (Yes, I Googled her). I was reading it and felt....intrusive. I admitted to finding her and asked if I could read it - if she said no - I was happy to except that. She didn't say no. If nothing, I had learned stuff about her she might never have actually said to me. I felt her pain through all of it. I cried with her at my monitor. And laughed out loud at other times.

I also met some of her friends via her link of wonderful women. Again, I felt intrusive. Never leaving a comment - who was I to be snooping around their lives. A lurker among lurkers. I thought what courage these women have to lay out their lives before anyone and everyone. And they were funny. My God. And these women could WRITE. I always knew my sister had a gift for writing as I could call her and be like, "I need an articulate way to say this... punctuation non-existent, garbled mess" and she would write a masterpiece. I am envious of her skills. And these women she had found. Articulate. Composed. Funny as hell. Honest and raw. Women who you would be IRL friends with if given the chance. Though I doubt I would have tried, I wouldn't feel up to par.

And then I decide I'll write some thoughts. Some stories. Some way to remember what happened last week. If only she and I read it - well at least I could reciprocate and tell her (via the blog) some things I couldn't say to her. My deep dark secrets if you will.

What I didn't expect was all of you. My new friends. How can I even express what it is like to go to a blog you read daily and expect to find a funny story and you see your name there? And all the nice things people have said. WOW. I am truly blown away. My sister wrote the most amazing post to me and I don't feel worthy of such things. I re-read it three times. I cried each time. Because.... I don't deserve it first of all, and... I could never have written anything that nice - ever.

I sat there thinking. I have no Real Life friends who would ever say those things to me. I don't think any of them even think that way - let alone would ever say it. I have a really hard time accepting compliments. I have an even harder time when someone does something really nice for me. I am amazed by it. In awe, if you will. I don't know why. Part of growing up as a really scared kid, afraid to do anything because it would be wrong anyway? Maybe. But I'm grown - you'd think I could see my own self-worth. But I can't. Or should I say - I couldn't.

Thank you my new friends. Thank you for exceeding my expectations. Thank you building my character. Thank you for forcing me to see myself as worthy. I am forever grateful. Thank you Blue. Thank You Michele. Thank you Carol. Thank You LaLa (Who gave me my first shout out on Julia's blog). Thank you Sis. I love you most of all.