September 29, 2008

Funniest Thing I've Seen In A LONG Time

While driving to pick up the kids from school on Friday, I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection. At the intersecting road is a bus filled with Middle Schoolers. While everyone was stopped at the light, the kids began to do the wave like they do at a baseball game. Again and again they did the wave. Fucking Hilarious!

I wished I had a video camera.
I wonder if the bus driver has the same sense of humor I had or if she was ripshit....

September 17, 2008

Doing Something About It

I'm not sure if anyone caught the Oprah episode about Child Predator's in America. If you did, then you already know how disturbing it was and heart wrenching to watch. If you didn't see it, I would only say that you need to be in the right frame of mind to do so, and even then you'll need tissues and to lie down afterwards.

Watching these types of things for me is akin to ripping open a long healed scar and oozing it all over. I KNOW the pain. I GET it. I feel it all over again like I did back when I was the little girl I was.

The problem is not that people are unaware of these monsters. The problem is these animals are escalating in their brazen ways, making actual movies to share with their fellow sickos. They are making them of girls, boys, toddlers, and babies. SOMEONE'S babies. OUR babies. Fucking BABIES, for fuck's sake. Do NOT underestimate the magnitude of child predators that can access your kids. These people are your kid's teachers, coaches, neighbors and family members. My uncle was my nightmare.

There are brave men and women who make it their life mission to save these kids. But, they are poorly understaffed, underfunded and overwhelmed. They leave their jobs every day knowing that the stack of kids' files left on their desks, the ones they could not get to, are kids that will have to endure another day of hell.

Disgusted enough to do something about it? I was too.

There is a bill RIGHT NOW awaiting to be approved that will appoint the much needed funding to these law enforcement officials to get these fuckers off the streets and away from our kids. The bill is called Bill 1738—The PROTECT Our Children Act.

The PROTECT Our Children Act will:

* Authorize over $320 million over the next five years in desperately needed funding for law enforcement to investigate child exploitation.
* Mandate that child rescue be a top priority for law enforcement receiving federal funding.
* Allocate funds for high-tech computer software that can track down Internet predators.


Act Now!
Your U.S. senators will be voting on the bill soon, so it is crucial you contact them immediately.
Go to to find contact information for the senators in your state. Search for your senator by name or state by clicking on the arrow from either dropdown menu. Contact information is provided here. To send an e-mail, click on "Web Form" below his or her name, and e-mail your letter to make a difference!

You can go to Oprah's site for all of the details. She even gives a sample letter to use. I'll paste it in here as well.


Dear Senator:

I know that you believe, like I do, that we must do everything possible to protect children from sexual predators. That is why I am asking for your help.

Last year alone, U.S. law enforcement identified over 300,000 criminals who were trafficking in movies and pictures of young children being raped and tortured. Experts say that one in every three of these criminals has local child victims. Child pornography trafficking over the Internet has given us a trail of evidence that leads straight to their doorsteps, but the vast majority of these children will never be rescued because investigators are overwhelmed, outnumbered and underfunded.

As your constituent, I urge you to do everything in your power to pass the PROTECT Our Children Act (S. 1738, Biden-Hatch). This bipartisan legislation passed the House 415-2, but it is now the victim of petty partisan politics.

Now that we know where these children are and how to protect them, there is no excuse for the Senate to fail to take action this session.

(Your name here)


So, go - contact your state Senator and tell them they need to protect your children and mine. Do it today. The bill is only up until September 26th and then they recess. Please, help me. Feel free to link back to this on your own site, we need every Mom in America to fight for our kid's safety.

September 12, 2008

To My Neighbor,

Really, I was happy to return your little howling beagle because we live on a BUSY road and he was walking the yellow line. I was certain he was going to get hit and killed.

I chased him down the road and he ran back to your yard.

I knocked on the door. TWICE.

You came to the door explaining the electric fence was down because they were cutting trees and invited me in.

I declined. I only wanted to bring back your dog.

You had just come out of the shower.

And your towel was too short.

September 08, 2008

I May Go To Bed Dreaming Of It

Yesterday afternoon I received an phone call from Little Town USA's Youth Services Director, NICE lady with WAY too much time on her hands who thinks up all kinds of fun activities for the kids to do directly after school. Miss Thing has participated in everything including Jewelry Making Seminars, Dances, and Movie Nights. There is usually a small fee to participate to cover expenses. Next week she is signed up for a Babystitting Certification Course.

But, that is not what she called about.

She wants to organize a Dodge Ball Tournament. For the kids AND the parents. No, it won't be the parents picking little kids off left and right. It will be the kids playing against each other and then the ADULTS playing against each other.

Can you see it like I am?

I can think of 30 Moms AT LEAST that I wouldn't mind bouncing a Dodge Ball off their head.

Ok, who wants to be on my team?

September 05, 2008

Lost For Words

I can hear my sister laughing at the header to the post because, REALLY, I am NEVER lost for words. I usually use TOO MANY words and usually I have an opinion on something.

Well, that all changed yesterday.

While putting on my face to drive to the kid's school to drop off some medical papers, Motrin and cough drops that have to be hand delivered in their original iron-tight UNOPENED packaging in another air-tight baggie BY THE PARENT with doctor's permission. Which honestly really chaps my ass, as I would never call the Dr. to ask if if was ok if I gave my kid something for that headache and a little cough drop pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top. WHATEVER.

My bathroom is in the back of the house and while I heard the lawn guys pull in, I hadn't even so much as looked out there. I know they are cutting the lawn. I've seen lawn cut. I've cut lawn MANY, MANY times. I'm all good. When all of a sudden, mid-eyeliner, I hear a noise. What the???

It sounds.... it sounds like an alarm. Like my POOL alarm. I open the blinds and look at the pool which still has the gate locked with a padlock. BUT. There are giant waves running through it. WTF? Someone was IN MY FUCKING POOL.

I walk out the front door and there standing in back of the truck was a lawn guy head to toe soaked and dripping on my driveway. Wet feet prints marked his path from the pool to where he stood. He looked surprised to see me. I assume he thought I wasn't home.

My mouth was open so long I had to snap it shut and the only thing I could think to say was "YOU SET OFF MY ALARM?" He mutters "sorry" over the blaring pool alarm and attempts to follow me to the back claiming he didn't know I had an alarm. "I have kids, of course I have an alarm."

"Oh yeah, well the water was great, thanks."

I just stood there looking at him. At his audacity. Here is a GROWN MAN pool-hopping without permission, fully clothed in my mother fucking pool. Perhaps I should pull the Denali out of the garage and leave the keys in and he can take it for a spin seeing as it was all right there and shit. Or perhaps since the front door is open, he can come on in and cool himself down in the central air.

I mean, I GET that it was hot. I GET it. If he had dipped his sweaty grass-clung head in there - I'm alright with that. Splash the water up over your head and soak yourself. GET THE HOSE and make a fucking sprinkler for all I care. BUT God, the thought of him swimming in there fully clothed makes me want to pour SHOCK in my eyes and scrub them out.

Can you imagine?

September 02, 2008

Update (of Sorts)

Because I have so very little time, I will give you a quick set of highlights.

Here's the official weigh-in Weight Loss for Week 33....


Official weight loss Grand Total is 49 lbs in 33 weeks.

Now 11 more to go!

God, it is PAINFUl how long it is taking. I know I need to up my exercise, but I am not that motivated. I DID go on an 11 mile bike ride with Miss Thing on Labor Day and a 7 mile one the week before and didn't need oxygen. I need to get more in during the week and REALLY...notsomuch.

First Day of School for the kids went off fairly well. Miss Thing did come off the bus and tell me her day was "suckish" due to a large amount of yelling on her teacher's part. I tend to think she was feeling a little left out since all of her "A" List friends are in other classrooms.

I started teaching this past week and have a really interesting group, 9 in all. Enrollment is really down and I half-expected my class would be cancelled being the overflow night class. I look forward to their first assignment due tomorrow and the way they handle themselves during critiques. ESPECIALLY curious if their studious manner keeps up. I swear I almost laughed out LOUD during my last lecture when I saw them all feverishly taking notes. In the 5 years I have taught this class, THAT has NEVER happened! They usually act as if they know everything I am telling them and come off looking cool. Apparently, that does not matter to this bunch. AWESOME. Will await the dark horse with baited breath.

My graduate classes have been going along fairly well ever since I sent my formal complaint to the director for having a teacher teach an illustration class with ZERO credentials. I had to readjust my attitude and look at the class as another rung on the ladder to DONE, hardly worth losing sleep over, which I was. I have another month to go on these and then right back into THESIS HELL.

Work has picked up dramatically. I pray it stays that way.

Speaking of praying, we have been horrible parents all last year and rarely saw the inside of our church. With Lil Man's Communion coming this year, the policy of mandatory churching and signed slips to be handed to the priest at the END of Mass will change all of that. Nothing like the threat of NO Communion to get you to church, am I right?

Both kids start Soccer again this week. Let's see if Miss Thing as good a season as last season. Lil Man's coach is an ex-Marine. Poor Little guy came home from the first practice and crawled onto the couch and fell fast asleep. I really hope he has a great season as well!

Oh, and Miss Thing and I had a lengthy PERIOD TALK which included a very helpful and informative DVD from "My First Period Kit". My sister brought it over and I am so glad that she did. I loved the way it was explained by Dr. Chrystal de Freitas making it very relatable and not scary. There is a Birds and the Bees section, which we did not do yesterday, but we will in the future. The kit comes with a cute little zippered bag which she tells the girls to be prepared with some pads and a clean pair of panties, as the the first time may very well happen at school , or a sleepover, or a few other scenarios that she goes over with detail. She shows how to use the sanitary products from opening them to disposing of them. I think it really helps the girls feel prepared.

Well, off to go wake the monkeys!