October 19, 2006

Waiting For The Bus

Waiting for the bus, with the kids. Outside is a beautiful fall day. Crisp smell in the air. Leaves of orange, red and yellow floating down from the sky. No breeze. Perfect morning. Sitting on the porch waiting for the bus in contented silence.

From across the street, way in the back, music starts playing. It is so quiet in the neighborhood - you can hear it perfectly. Ah. It's an 80's station. Stone Temple Pilots is playing. Creep. Half the man I used to be........ I look over and both the kids are slightly bobbing their heads. No words. No one notices I'm watching. I smile. They love this music.

Song ends.

Bon Jovi erupts from unseen radio. You Give Love a Bad Name. Music plays. Miss Thing jumps up.

"Oh Man. I LOVE THIS SONG!" singing with gusto and knowing all the words - "Shot through the heart and you're to blame - you give love a Baaaaad Name."

Lil Man chimes in with air guitar.

It should have been an iPod commercial.


I love those wack-job, 80's loving freaks.

October 18, 2006

Key The "Stayin Alive" Music......

Whether you're a brother or whether youre a mother,
Youre stayin alive, stayin alive.
Feel the city breakin and everybody shakin,
And were stayin alive, stayin alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin alive, stayin alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin alive.

Yes, I am Stayin Alive. Just when I thought my big 'ole size 10/11 shoes had sunk me to the bottom of the ocean, I am paddling back, baby. AND I AM KICKIN GRAD SCHOOL'S ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Yes. I am.

I am currently carrying a 94.81 (they figure that out - not me - cuz we ALL know I suck at Math) and a 100 (What, you say? YA BITCH a 1 fucking Hundred) average in my other class. Not that I'm an overachiever (YES I AMMMMMMM) or anything. So, needless to say - I am feeling PRETTY good about myself these days.

In other news, I took my sister to the Clinique counter on Saturday and she got her make-up lesson from a funny, motor-mouth, sometimes snorting (she did and I almost peed my pants) awesome girl who hooked us up with 3 free gifts EACH!!! 3 bags and make-up inside and even key chains - what's better than that????? Maybe a 100 average - but THAT'S it...

Hot, no????

We did some shopping, had some dinner and overall spent some much needed quality time, just us two. I miss hanging with my sister. We used to do it a lot. But ever since I had kids, and then her - well, there's not much extra time. But we had fun. I am waiting for her to post about it (I HAVE PICS) and for her to tell you how I chased her in my car in a church parking lot honking my horn to get her attention (she had the music SO LOUD she couldn't hear.) Go bug her - I want it in her words.

In other news, my son has a girlfriend.

Yes. His first girlfriend.

Her name is Amber. And he has only told me about it - I am not allowed to tell anyone else. And look how good a secret I can keep telling the entire internet. Don't cha want to tell me YOUR secrets now??


Lil Man tells me about Amber.

"So, she's your girlfriend, huh?"

BIG sheepish grin. "Yes."

"So, what do you two do, hold hands or something?"

Horrified. "NOOOOOOOOOO. We sit next to each other a lot though."

Very much relieved. "Oh. Ok. Is she pretty?"

Sheepish grin again. "Yes. She has brown hair."

Shocked. "REALLY?? Cuz I thought FOR SURE she'd be a blonde."

"Yeah and ya know what else? She likes tuna fish, just like me."

Suppressing a chuckle - because he is DEAD serious. "Well THAT is a reason to like her, huh?"

"And she brought a book in to school. Guess what it was about? FARM ANIMALS!"

"She loves animals and tuna fish - she's a keeper."

Walking away, over his shoulder. "Yep."


For the record, I was clearly NOT this calm when Miss Thing came home telling me in first grade she was going to marry Michael. WTF is THAT????

October 13, 2006

Cuz I Got Nuthin.....

I was going through old posts and realized I never posted this one.
I'm slapping a big ole smack on the backs of your heads - Tag You're It.

Things I Want To Do Before I Die:

• See my kids graduate from high school and college
• See my kids get married
• Grow old with my husband
• Hold my grandchildren in my arms
• Retire
• See Italy
• Own a Getaway House/property
• See my mortgage paid off

Things I Cannot do:

• Drive stick ("I can learn" - 10 points to anyone who knows what movie that's from)
• Lose the weight I want to
• Stop being obsessive about everything
• Make espresso out of the Italian coffee pot - I burn it every time
• Stay mad at my husband
• Put pictures away - UGH!

Things I Can Do:

• Can organize and de-clutter at least once a year
• Catch up on my kids baby books/school days books
• Bake
• Dry shave my arm pits

Things That Attracted Me To My Husband:

• He is so handsome
• He has the most intense brown eyes
• He likes the same crappy music I do
• His car - I know pathetic but I was 19!!
• He was really sweet

Things I Say Most Often:

• Stop it.
• BRUSH your teeth.
• Eat!
• Let's go!

(Kill me now, could I sound any MORE like your Mom?!)

Books I Love:

• Anything Stephen King
• Anything James Patterson
• Really too many to list

Movies I Love:

• Without a Paddle
• Something about Mary

October 12, 2006

Riding To Hell On The Short Bus

A friend of mine once told me that her teenage kids called each other Short Bus Window Lickers. Being that I am fucked up and well on my way to going to hell, I laughed hysterically.

That term is something I can relate to these days. When I'm drooling while I'm supposed to be reading the 200 pages worth of material - Window Licker.... When I sit to write an essay and have no idea where to start - Short Bus........ When I am racking my brain to come up with my idea for a FINAL PROJECT 2 weeks into class - SHORT BUS WINDOW LICKER.

I have come to one conclusion. Grad school makes you feel stupid. Insignificant, idiotic, failure - WINDOW LICKER.

BUT, MY PRETTIES......I have rounded the corner. I have seen the light. I can sorta swim towards it. I am getting off the Short Bus at the next stop.

As taxing on my non-used brain as this has been - I am learning some really cool stuff - not only about school - but about myself. My last assignment in Grad Seminar I (What the FUCK does that even mean by the way????) was to list 3 Things You Can't Live without (NOT PEOPLE) and # Things You Can Live Without and why.

Here's Mine:

Hair Dye
I can’t live without being able to cover my gray and be able to portray on the outside what I feel on the inside, young. Weall judge and are judged. I prefer to be judged as young looking. Vain? Ya bet your sweet ass.

My Cell phone
With my cell phone, not only can I reach potential clients but also reach out and hear my loved ones voices when I can’t be with them. I can stay connected. I can also receive my emails that were intended for my work office while playing at the park with my kids. It allows me the freedom to unchain myself from my desk and live a more fulfilling life. I can work to live, not live to work.

My Computer
My computer allows me to work and hence to pay my bills. But it also allows me to design, to create, and show my true self through my work. It also allows me further my education, via an online class, from the comforts of my home office.

# Things I Can TOTALLY Live Without

Because I think they are the vilest things on earth. How anyone is able to consume them is beyond my comprehension.

I can live without houseplants and the stress I feel trying to keep them alive. I really don’t need another example of my own failure wilting on my kitchen sink windowsill.

Patrouli Oil
I can live without patrouli oil, because the mere scent of a woman walking past me with it on makes me want to vomit.

So, who else wants to play???? Tell me 3 things you can and can't live without.

October 02, 2006

How Do I Look For My First Day Of School??

Stop looking for pictures because there aren't any! But here I am - all spiffy with my new Sketchers, my Timbuk messenger bag and my noose around my neck - does that count as a fashion accessory????

So, today I embark on my new adventure into Online Master's Program. And can I tell you I am scared TO DEATH!! And SERIOUSLY - these fucking people already have the first 2 assignments DONE. Finished. COMPLETED. And I can't seem to get through a chapter of my first book without hearing Charlie Brown's teacher. Or nodding off - I have NO NECK CONTROL!! God. I need to get it together.

Well, I gotta run - the short bus is beeping for me......