October 12, 2006

Riding To Hell On The Short Bus

A friend of mine once told me that her teenage kids called each other Short Bus Window Lickers. Being that I am fucked up and well on my way to going to hell, I laughed hysterically.

That term is something I can relate to these days. When I'm drooling while I'm supposed to be reading the 200 pages worth of material - Window Licker.... When I sit to write an essay and have no idea where to start - Short Bus........ When I am racking my brain to come up with my idea for a FINAL PROJECT 2 weeks into class - SHORT BUS WINDOW LICKER.

I have come to one conclusion. Grad school makes you feel stupid. Insignificant, idiotic, failure - WINDOW LICKER.

BUT, MY PRETTIES......I have rounded the corner. I have seen the light. I can sorta swim towards it. I am getting off the Short Bus at the next stop.

As taxing on my non-used brain as this has been - I am learning some really cool stuff - not only about school - but about myself. My last assignment in Grad Seminar I (What the FUCK does that even mean by the way????) was to list 3 Things You Can't Live without (NOT PEOPLE) and # Things You Can Live Without and why.

Here's Mine:

Hair Dye
I can’t live without being able to cover my gray and be able to portray on the outside what I feel on the inside, young. Weall judge and are judged. I prefer to be judged as young looking. Vain? Ya bet your sweet ass.

My Cell phone
With my cell phone, not only can I reach potential clients but also reach out and hear my loved ones voices when I can’t be with them. I can stay connected. I can also receive my emails that were intended for my work office while playing at the park with my kids. It allows me the freedom to unchain myself from my desk and live a more fulfilling life. I can work to live, not live to work.

My Computer
My computer allows me to work and hence to pay my bills. But it also allows me to design, to create, and show my true self through my work. It also allows me further my education, via an online class, from the comforts of my home office.

# Things I Can TOTALLY Live Without

Because I think they are the vilest things on earth. How anyone is able to consume them is beyond my comprehension.

I can live without houseplants and the stress I feel trying to keep them alive. I really don’t need another example of my own failure wilting on my kitchen sink windowsill.

Patrouli Oil
I can live without patrouli oil, because the mere scent of a woman walking past me with it on makes me want to vomit.

So, who else wants to play???? Tell me 3 things you can and can't live without.


At 2:02 PM, Anonymous Michele said...

Cant live without:
The Daily Show

Can TOTALLY live without
Paris Hilton

At 11:11 PM, Blogger Louise said...

Can't live without:
Internet- without it it would take weeks of any news of my family and friends to get to me here
my ergonomic pillow- bliss

Can live without:
diarrhea (Giardia, dysentry, cyclospora, you name it)

At 12:14 PM, Anonymous Heather said...

Can't live without
1) Grapes
2) My cell phone
3) Internet

can live without
1) Pork
2) Reality shows
3) traffic jams

At 11:37 AM, Blogger JayMonster said...

Can't Live without
My Daughter
My PDA Cell Phone
Broadband Internet Access

Can Totally Live without
George W. Bush
Ann Coulter
Radical Christian Nutjobs


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