December 23, 2008

I Wish I Could Tell This Story Via Video

Because I am really not sure I can do it justice via my simplistic and unprofessional wordsmithing, but I am going to give it my all. The reason?? It is the funniest shit I have seen in like a week and a half, perhaps longer. It made me belly laugh. Loudly.

Here's the scene: Lil Man's Holiday (can't say Christmas at our school) party in which a few overly involved Moms have gone rogue and planned it from soup to nuts without the teacher's involvement, which quite frankly she looked happy to have a breather. I imagine this time of year is very tough to keep them focused and even more so when we have had so many days off and delays due to snow.

Rogue Moms had organized games to play like - BINGO - with prizes. Cue the music of SOMEONE in the class not being happy that they lost, right???? I mean, after all, they are 7 and 8 years old. BINGO was played for exactly 3 times and 3 prizes were dispersed to a class of 21. There were some hurt feelings in there, but certainly I think they are old enough to learn to deal with disappointment. Moving on to WAY too many snacks on each plate given to the kids.

In comes the teacher who had a wonderful idea of asking each child to bring in a $1.00 Grab Bag Gift. The kids were to have wrapped the gift and were to pick numbers to receive them. A grand idea really. We found a 3-pack of Dot-To-Dot Game pads (remember those? You capture the square and put your initial in there??) Fun.

The teacher had the kids pick numbers from a baggie and the gifts were numbered as well. No issues in trying to get your friend's gift. Perfect. A few of the Moms and I are standing to the far end of the room watching as the kids are thrilled (or not so thrilled, as the pudgy kid got a jumprope) to open their packages containing crayons, markers, pencils and the like.

Rogue Mom #1's daughter comes over to our group with a look on her face that could only be pulled off by an 8-year old year. It was a combination of complete bewilderment, pissed-offness and injustice.

Rogue Daughter to Mom: "Mom. What. IS. This?"

In her outstretched hand is a book. A thin, paperback book. I look closer and it reads New Testament. After my initial shock, I start to giggle. I can't wait to hear how Rogue Mom is going to handle this. (Let me state for the record a few things. The kids are in a public school - not Catholic school. We, as a family, go to church EVERY week. And I would NEVER give an 8-year old kid a GRAB BAG Bible, because let's face it... that is a weird, inappropriate freaking gift that the kid most certainly did NOT want.)

Rogue Mom glances down at the book and the look that washes over her face is priceless as it matches her daughter's perfectly. Except she is a Room Mom, Girl Scout Leader and all around much nicer (PC) person than I and she quickly resets her face to a huge Joker-style smile and says, "Oh Honnnnnnnneeeeeyyy, how niiiiiiiiiccccce. That's a ... ummmm.... a... The New Testament."

Now, I am still laughing and begin to laugh HARDER when the daughter's look now mixes with puzzlement. She has no idea what a New Testament is.

Rogue Mom goes on, "It's A New Testament. A bible. Like at church."

Now. Now, the look on the kid's face is one that includes the body language of a preteen, hunched over, arms out, complete despair. Can you picture it with me?? She still has that LOOK and Oh My God, it's sending me into hysterical fits of laughter. Cuz really? I totally understand the look.

Rogue Mom quickly looks around and mumbles something to the kid (and I think me) about not knowing who gave the gift and if the Mom was there. I think that was her attempt to get me to stop laughing. Fat Chance Lady.

Trying to distract the daughter, she looks in her other hand and sees a bookmark. So sappy sweet she says, "Oh LOOOOOOOOOOOK, did that nice bookmark come with it?"

And Rogue daughter belts out with all of the disgust she could muster, arms flailing in the injustice of it all and replies and I quote, "Yeah. TO GO WITH THE BIBLE!"

At that point, I am laughing so hard, that I have to turn away, but not before telling the Mom that I totally understood and loved her daughter.

Ahhhh Christmas. Doesn't it make such wonderful memories?


At 5:19 PM, Blogger MJ said...

OMG! I am laughing my @$$ off! I can just imagine that poor girl! Even if I was at a CHURCH gift exchange, I STILL wouldn't want that!

At 8:16 AM, Anonymous Christmas Carol said...

Imagine the mother who bought that witnessing the whole scene LOL

Merry Christmas!

At 4:32 PM, Anonymous Michele said...

I love it!! And you know it was brought in by some kid who was thrilled with the Hannah Montanna lipgloss she got because her bible thumping parents probably banned it from her home.


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