October 23, 2007

Dear Sharpie....

Like Dear Abby only WAY bitchier. And I promise not to mention decoupage ever.

Anonymous writes:

"Will you take a question in the form of me fishing for help? :) I need to tell my parents I'm knocked up. They'll be thrilled but I want to do it over Thanksgiving in some sort of creative way. Like giving them Grandma and Grandpa t-shirts but somehow kicking it up a notch. Any ideas?"

Dear Anonymous - I assume by saying that your parents will be thrilled that this is A) happy, joyous well planned event B) your parents do not have any heart conditions C) look to spice up Thanksgiving dinner! Excellent on all of the above. Congrats from me! Write me back in about 9 years when you read over the green sheet questionnaire from the school's guidance counselor about Self Esteem and read your daughter's answer to "What is your personal self esteem boost mantra?" that reads...and I quote..."Better you than me."

Yes, it did.

But, I digress. On to you. My first inclination is to tell you to go all Molly Ringwald on their asses and say nonchalantly "I'm pregnant, pass the turnips." But this reference may be lost of those younger (or older) than the Brat Pack era.

So, here are a few ideas...

- Come up with an original placecard holder for the dinner table. Perhaps a baby bootie for Grandma and Grandpa with those names for their seats.

- Buy a baby picture frame and write "Hi Grandma and Grandpa - Can't wait to see you March! (insert due date here). Wrap the frame and leave it on their plate.

- Come up with a new form of Grace. "Lord thank you for this bountiful meal. But mostly thank you for allowing us to share it with all of our family - name them and lastly add and the newest little addition Baby Bean."

- Have flowers and a baby balloon sent to the Thanksgiving Day house addressed to your Mom and Dad.

- Stuff a pacifer in the turkey (after you cook it) and make sure they are the ones digging in.

- Set an extra place setting equipped with bottle, bib and pacifier.

Feel free to modify those any which was you like. Make it your own personal spin. Congrats and let me know how it all turns out!

Now, for the rest of you - feel free to send Dear Sharpie questions. What's funny is I have done this role in real life forever - and rather enjoy it. So, send in your questions!


At 12:10 PM, Blogger Violet said...

Sharpie! Thank you so much! :)

At 12:17 PM, Anonymous sherry said...

Those suggestions were SO much better than what I came up with. Do you remember? Let me refresh your memory:

A phone call from the toilet just after taking 17 pregnancy tests that ALL came back positive before the pee dried whispering, "HOLY FUCK..I THINK I'm PREGNANT!!!!" All before even telling my husband.

Fabulous suggestions and I do LOVE the Dear Sharpie idea.

At 7:00 AM, Blogger MrsGrumpy said...

Oh Sherry, I called my best girlfriend too. And I must have watched the movie "For Keeps" almost as many times as "Pretty in Pink". I guess I have dated myself.

At 9:27 AM, Blogger Heather said...

Love the picture frame thing - I'd put an ultrasound pic in it...

My SIL sent out those photo christmas cards one year with her ultrasound pics to tell the family she was preggers. Very cute.

At 1:25 PM, Blogger MadHotMama said...

Great tips. Way more creative than I could have EVER come up with....I suppose I could give you a Dear Sharpie question.....I am taking classes right now for nursing school (pre reqs) and my class falls on Halloween. I had planned on not going at all, but have a test that following Monday. My mother has offered to take him for me, after I do the trick or treating thing for the first hour then head to class. Does that sound reasonable, or am I a horrible mother??


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