Let Me Explain

So cryptic yesterday - right?

I have prided myself that I do not put personal facts on this blog. No names, etc. Yes, I post the occasional picture of the kids or DH - but never ever anything about in-laws, etc. Not even my own family - save my sister. I have had this blog up for nearly a year and at first was very scared of the fact that I was allowing myself to be open to others. That fear had faded to a mere memory until I checked the Sitemeter a few days ago. I like to see who comes - how long they stay - where they are from.

I noticed that there is a person coming 2 or 3 times a day from a very small town in my state. A town I know well. A town that houses my ENTIRE in-law family. My heart nearly stopped. NOT that I speak about them. I wouldn't do that. But I am panicked that someone who REALLY DOES know me - is reading.

Now all of this could be a HUGE misunderstanding. I could be overreacting. If I am, I hope this person will send me a note. I'll delete it if you want me to. But if I don't hear from that person - who lives in the small town - in CT - I am taking it all down. It's too weird.

I'll still visit you all. Who could stay away.

I'll keep you posted.

Done Here.

I am fairly certain I will be taking the blog down by the weekend.

Thank you all for your friendship and the laughs we've shared.

God Bless.

So, What's Worse?

My littel girl, the one I brought home from the hospital all pink and wrinkly, with that New Baby smell is turning 9 (NINE) in 2 short weeks. I am not entirely sure when it happened, but she is not just adding another birthday to her number, she has been turning into a TWEEN. Ya know, not quite a TEENAGER, not quite a little girl, somewhere in between.

It seems like last year, actually I think it WAS last year, that Polly Pockets were a favorite toy. Now, her iPod Nano is never far from reach. She went from me reading stories to her at night, to reading 58 books thus far this school year - ON HER OWN ACCORD - chapter books with the titles of Cheetah Girls 2 and Zack & Cody, to name a few.

She knows every lyric to the High School Musical CD. She begged me to buy her a Tiger Beat magazine at CVS and had it home a a mere day before she had devoured every article and hung every poster from it replacing the Disney Princesses that had hung it their place for years.

She is having her very first sleepover party here next weekend.

She invites nine girls. I fully expected a few no's or at least - "Well, they can come - but ABSOLUTELY NO sleeping over on account I don't know you from Adam and all." Yeah. ALL NINE ARE COMING. All nine are sleeping over. Lucky me.

Miss Thing wanted the girls to bring their American Girl Dolls, watch a movie (we got Hannah Montana), eat pizza, do a craft (We will be making necklaces out of conversation heart beads for the girls and the dolls) and so on. Since, I can never leave well enough alone, I made the invites (on the computer) and decided a theme was appropriate. I made these pillow cases out of 42¢ felt from Walmart. Decided they needed a little pizazz and bought the beaded ribbon, of which I burned my fingers off gluing on with my Industrial Size Glue Gun.







Oh sure, they look cute - but guess what? They were never making it through the post office and we ended up hand delivering them all. The girls are bringing them the night of the party and we are stuffing them so the dolls have nice cozy pillows. For a party favor, I bought cute little bunny slippers for the dolls. No goodie bag crap - thank god.

She is thrilled. More than thrilled. She has GUSHED over me. My talents. My AWESOME MOM ABILITIES. I even heard, "No other Mom would do this for THEIR kid, just YOU Mom." Yes, I did hear it, more than once. I can't say it didn't make the burns all worth it.

So, yes, she's happy. I, on the other hand, can't seem to be this happy about her getting so much older. Consider that the other day, she informed me that the boys in her class were swearing. Yes, she still tells me things - so there is that. I ask what they are saying and she shyly tells me she can't possibly tell me. Okey-dokey. I can stick my head in the sand like anyone else.

About five minutes later she is at my side and whispers, "What's worse to say, FUCKING or FREAKING?"

Huh. I TRIED to control the laughter, I did. I told her both were very bad and not to say them again. I tried to retell the story to DH, at this point, I am crying with laughter. His response? Freaking isn't a swear.

Second Semester

It is the official start of the second semester - week one in Sharpie's Grand Plan to Kill Herself Softly with Online Classes.

I am very eager to complete my Master's Degree - if only to never have to take another class again. Seriously. I shit you not.

This is probably not the best attitude considering I have roughly 10 - 12 more semesters of school. Yeah. Holy Crap.

You may remember that I took two classes last semester and did well in them. That was the upside. The downside was that I completely shirked my responsibilities as a mom, wife, and friend. I fed my family crap and left my house in disarray. My poor family paid the price. I knew just how bad it was when both kids jumped for joy and circled me chanting "she's all done with schoooooooool. She's on vaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacatiooooooooooooon." This schooling needs to FIT into the schedule not crush it like a grape.

And as much as I am not a quitter - I need to drop back to less than part time. Two classes is officially part time. This really doesn't hurt me in any way (other than my pride) as I am paying this crazy tuition out of pocket - and not on school loans. If I had taken a loan - well I would be hanging from the rafters in the garage right now.

So, I have one class - Typography. Seems like such a benign word, no?

It is Satan's Lair. Each week we are to complete 5 assignments. Five per week. On top of work, teaching two classes, the kids schedule, meals, and the list goes on. BEST PART????? The final project is to CREATE by HAND (technically using a vector drawing program like Adobe Illustrator) an entire FONT to symbolize a book you were to pick on Week One.

Christ on a Stick.

The book I picked is The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn



This is my favorite children's book. The story is about Chester Raccoon and his deep fear of leaving his mother, his familiar surroundings, and toys to go to school. His mother, Mrs. Raccoon explains that we all must do things that are unfamiliar and scary to us at first. She explains all of the fun and new things he will encounter. She tells him she has a secret to help him cope through the days at school. The secret is the "“Kissing Hand". The “Kissing Hand” is a special kiss Mrs. Raccoon puts on Chester'’s hand and tells him to that whenever he feels lonely and needs love from home, he needs only to press his hand to his cheek and know that his mommy loves him. She then explains that the Kissing Hand can never be washed off or lost. Chester loved his Kissing Hand. He knew with it, he could do anything -– even go to school. That night he gives his mother her own Kissing Hand so that she would not miss him when he went to school. With his mother’s love with him, he learned he could do anything.

I read this book to both of my kids and we did Kissing Hands FOREVER until they no longer needed them. In Lil Man's Kindergarten class - they read it too, and made kissing hands for the Moms - so as not to miss their kids too much. *sigh* I kinda miss those days. Every once and aawile I still get one. I hope today is one of those days.

Just..WOW.

I am the owner of a soon-to-be 9 year old girl. This statement may not MEAN anything to those of you with boys or girls not of this age yet. But I assure you, those who are here now, or have been there, all shivered at the same time.

Miss Thing is genuinely a very good natured kid. Smart, assertive, competitive, even makes her bed and brushes her teeth. But lately. Holy Crap. Lately, the hormones have taken hold.

Santa brought my two kids cell phones for Christmas. And before you all are like Oh My God - No She Didn't. Yes I did. They are the $19.99 version of Cingular's Pay As You Go phones which gives them free calls to us and our cell phones. Since we are finding ourselves allowing them to spread their wings more and more without us - we thought this a good trial run. Twenty bucks gives you the phone and $10.00 worth of calls - I figure it's a good test. They are not allowed carte blanche - they can only use them when given to them to use.

I did however allow Miss Thing a 10 minute phone call (she had a timer) to call her bestest friend - cuz really how cool is a cell phone when you are 9 anyway?

The phone call complete - I was stupid enough to ask what they talked about.

I am warning all you other parents NOT to make the same mistake I made. DO.NOT.ASK. Seriously.

Miss Thing answers, "Oh - you don't even want to KNOW. Do you want to know? Cuz if you do I'll tell you..."

All of that was said in like 5 seconds - one word rolling into another at mach speed.

Me - "Oh sure - tell me." (DUMB DUMB MISTAKE) Cuz, I WANT her to tell me important stuff, right? Talk to dear ole Mom.

Miss Thing - "Well we have this club. It's a friendship club and Shea is the leader. She made herself the leader and no one else could be the leader and she named it the Witches and I thought it should be the Friendship Club - but she said she was the leader and we were all like whatever and then we found outSHEWASJUSTUSINGUSANDTHENWEDECIDEDTOMAKERULES......"

OH. MY. FUCKING GOD. In my head I was thinking - "Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up." But she didn't.

She kept going.......

"AND SHEA WAS ABSENT SO WE COULDN'T TELL HER BUT WE ARE GOING TO TELL HER CUZ SHE IS NOT BEING A REAL FRIEND...."

And then my eyes started to bleed and my brain popped right out of my skull and I sat there listening - tuning her out thinking "She IS NEVER going to Fucking STOP." "Never. Never Gonna STOP."

She wasn't even taking a breath. She went on for like FORTY minutes.

Finally she had finished. I tried to smile - but seriously, I had a headache.

This is why teenage girls have FRIENDS. God help me.

I May Have Missed January 1st

and My Resolutions - But Here I Am Late To The Party - AGAIN...I brought dip........

In the year 2007 I resolve to: Remember how many times to rinse and repeat. Get your resolution here.

2007 I can almost smell ya already.

All About MeMe

I AM: happy with my life and all the craziness that is it in.

I WANT: to grow old with my husband and see my kids grow into wonderful adults.

I WISH: I could see into the future.

I HATE: that I hate my body.

I MISS: being young and vibrant and never worrying.

I FEAR: being taken from my kids.

I HEAR: the music of my youth - it's calling and it wants its friendship bracelet back.

I WONDER: if I will ever be content JUST. BEING.

I REGRET: very little and what I do I threw away a long time ago.

I AM NOT: shy, timid or afraid of the truth. For this you may not want to ask me what I think of your new hot-pink shoes.

I DANCE: ONLY when no one is looking.

I SING: in the car and in my office to my new kick-ass speakers.

I CRY: at everything. I am a giant pussy.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: nice. Enough said.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: meals that my family will eat.

I WRITE: this blog (I use the term LOOSELY)

I CONFUSE: my want for my DH to know me and what I want with a crystal ball.

I NEED: to work. sigh.

I SHOULD: not eat all the crap I do - but GOD it's good.

I START: my new Master's course in less than week.

I FINISH: just about everything I start. Unless it's needlework then it sits in my closet for 10 years.

Consider yourselves tagged BEOTCHES. You're it.

Their Competitve Cup Runneth Over

My kids are extremely competitive with everything they do. This extends to being competitive with everyone they come into contact with. If Suzie can speedwalk to class in 10 Mississippi's, well then, Miss Thing can do it in 8.

I have always thought a bit of healthy competition is good for the soul. I enjoy their spirit - their want (ok maybe NEED) to win AT. ALL. TIMES. I can understand their drive. They are cut from my cloth after all.

But, lately their competitiveness has taken over our household in their constant one-uping of each other that takes place no less than 9,000 times a day. For instance - who can brush their teeth longer, better, how many strokes did it take, get dressed faster, run downstairs, to the remote, find the right channel (as IF there is a RIGHT channel right now). Because black is white and white is black. "Why is her juice purple and mine is red?" They are both red - hers is in a blue cup - blue + red equals the black eye I am going to give you if you keep it up.

It is EXHAUSTING. I am referee, coach, and line judge all day long.

So, why on earth did it shock the hell out of me when I told them to clean up all of the Little People Christmas sets, Nativity included and put them back in the bin safe and sound for next year and I actually heard the two of them take off as if I had shot the gun for the start of the race at the Olympics and heard Miss Thing yell, (I SWEAR TO GOD) I Call Jesus...................



Yeah. She called Jesus to put him in the bin like we used to call heads or tails.

It's not right. I know. I'm well aware.

Lack Of Judgment

I am here today to confess a lack of judgment.

Not the sort of lack of judgment that would, let's say allow someone to ask me to host a New Year's Party at my residence when the entire party was already slated for THEIR residence - because (cough, sigh) she's sick. Or the same lack of caring that would then make the same person only bring a 7-layer taco dip and a bag of SmartFood (because their kid doesn't eat REGULAR chips). What the Sam Hill is THAT?! The freaking party was supposed to be at YOUR house and two days before you ditch the party and all party-goers on me and then bring a lousy dip (not that 7-layer is lousy). Thankfully I am Uber-Party Host and had enough food to feed a small country. I most definitely subscribe to the have WAY more food than needed so people feel they can dig in and eat - not pick one cocktail hotdog for fear there is not enough to go around. And booze - we had a mountain of it.

I digress.

Oh yes - lack of judgment.

And this is not the same piss-poor thoughtlessness that would allow ANOTHER party guest whose hubby was coming over to watch the JETS game on the same day as the party - (he had called and gotten the ok directly from me - wanted to make sure I was not running around last minute.) No. I don't DO last minute. My house was scrubbed the day before. Everything was in order for food and the glasses were polished. I'm like THAT. I had only the kitchen left and I couldn't care if they sat in the basement while I mopped a floor. No big. BIG was as I was stepping into the shower after dutifully scrubbing every nook and cranny of the kitchen DH appears at the shower curtain to tell me the JETS friend's wife had just called to ask if SHE COULD DROP OFF HER FUCKING KIDS BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO DO SOMETHING.

Yes. Drop them off at the house where you are to arrive with your cheese platter in a few hours. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING I ask DH. After shhhhhing me - he says no. Shocked, I say whatever. I pondered what she could POSSIBLY have to do on a Sunday a few hours before a party. Her kids are 8 and 10 - so not like they can't run errands with her. She isn't going to the doctor. Her parents are both deceased. I couldn't resist - I HAD TO ASK THE HUSBAND.

As nonchalantly as I could, I asked her hubby between commercial breaks What Was His Wife Doing? "Oh, her friend called and wanted to know if she could go riding (a horse) - so, she dropped the kids off since I'm already here."

I swear to fucking God - I had to count backwards. DH kept looking over at me SURE AS SHIT I was gonna blow. How selfish are people??? A LOT, apparently.

No, MY misjudgment has to do with the coyotes that have taken up making appearances in my yard daily. The first sighting I probably should not have yelled HOLY FUCK there are TWO FUCKING COYOTES right by the DECK!!!!

And I probably should have stopped DH from reciting his mother's warning "TO BE CAREFUL - THOSE COYOTES WILL EAT YOUR KIDS."

Perhaps I should have looked around to make sure little ears were not listening.

And lastly, I should not have laughed until I nearly peed watching Miss Thing do the Ninja Crawl from the front porch the 150 feet or so to the bus - all the while looking up, down and all around her. It wasn't until the third look behind her and fighting crouch that I realized she was looking for the coyotes.

Remind me to give the Karate Teacher a proper thank you.

I Can't Believe It's 2007....

Hard to believe another year has come and gone already. Now, that sounds like something my parents would have said, and I find it being truer every year. The holidays are so anticipated and then POOF they're gone. The lights will be coming down and the tree packed away. We didn't even have any SNOW this year!! I live in Connecticut people - there is usually a LOT of snow - but nothing, nada, zilch - no snowman for you.

The kids loved everything Santa brought. Miss Thing believes that she heard a very distinct Ho-Ho-Ho and some jingling of bells on Christmas Eve - Thank You my soon-to-be-9-year-old. I love that you believe.

Santa brought many goodies for everyone, as a matter of fact. Something that really doesn't matter to me anymore. I love watching everyone else. It could be the new Laptop I bought myself before Christmas talking - but I want or need NOTHING - so anything I get is a bonus.

I am thankful we got through the holidays without sickness or incident. I seem to have successfully shaken off those people on my list that were weighing me down (read I deleted them from my computer Christmas card list) and feel a weight lifted. These family members and pseudo friends will not be missed. DELETE.

I took the entire week between Christmas and New Years off to hang with the kids - something I don't normally do. We ate entirely too much fast food - but damn, it was fun. I know the elliptical is taunting me........"Come here fat-ass - Hop on..."
Oh Shut Up - I will...maybe tonight. New Years Resolutions are too work out more....I plan to stick to that. And by more I mean, more than nothing, which is what I have been doing.

My Master's course starts next week - oh joy. And teaching in a few weeks out - thank god - I need the break. I will be teaching 2 classes for the first time (instead of my usual one) and also teaching during the daytime. That ought to be fun with work and all........I feel my chest tightening already. Look, it's not even the 3rd of January and I already complaining. Perhaps my resolution should be to quit that - but hey I AM GOOD AT IT!!

Hope all of your holidays were Great! Happy New Year To All!!