January 03, 2007

Lack Of Judgment

I am here today to confess a lack of judgment.

Not the sort of lack of judgment that would, let's say allow someone to ask me to host a New Year's Party at my residence when the entire party was already slated for THEIR residence - because (cough, sigh) she's sick. Or the same lack of caring that would then make the same person only bring a 7-layer taco dip and a bag of SmartFood (because their kid doesn't eat REGULAR chips). What the Sam Hill is THAT?! The freaking party was supposed to be at YOUR house and two days before you ditch the party and all party-goers on me and then bring a lousy dip (not that 7-layer is lousy). Thankfully I am Uber-Party Host and had enough food to feed a small country. I most definitely subscribe to the have WAY more food than needed so people feel they can dig in and eat - not pick one cocktail hotdog for fear there is not enough to go around. And booze - we had a mountain of it.

I digress.

Oh yes - lack of judgment.

And this is not the same piss-poor thoughtlessness that would allow ANOTHER party guest whose hubby was coming over to watch the JETS game on the same day as the party - (he had called and gotten the ok directly from me - wanted to make sure I was not running around last minute.) No. I don't DO last minute. My house was scrubbed the day before. Everything was in order for food and the glasses were polished. I'm like THAT. I had only the kitchen left and I couldn't care if they sat in the basement while I mopped a floor. No big. BIG was as I was stepping into the shower after dutifully scrubbing every nook and cranny of the kitchen DH appears at the shower curtain to tell me the JETS friend's wife had just called to ask if SHE COULD DROP OFF HER FUCKING KIDS BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO DO SOMETHING.

Yes. Drop them off at the house where you are to arrive with your cheese platter in a few hours. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING I ask DH. After shhhhhing me - he says no. Shocked, I say whatever. I pondered what she could POSSIBLY have to do on a Sunday a few hours before a party. Her kids are 8 and 10 - so not like they can't run errands with her. She isn't going to the doctor. Her parents are both deceased. I couldn't resist - I HAD TO ASK THE HUSBAND.

As nonchalantly as I could, I asked her hubby between commercial breaks What Was His Wife Doing? "Oh, her friend called and wanted to know if she could go riding (a horse) - so, she dropped the kids off since I'm already here."

I swear to fucking God - I had to count backwards. DH kept looking over at me SURE AS SHIT I was gonna blow. How selfish are people??? A LOT, apparently.

No, MY misjudgment has to do with the coyotes that have taken up making appearances in my yard daily. The first sighting I probably should not have yelled HOLY FUCK there are TWO FUCKING COYOTES right by the DECK!!!!

And I probably should have stopped DH from reciting his mother's warning "TO BE CAREFUL - THOSE COYOTES WILL EAT YOUR KIDS."

Perhaps I should have looked around to make sure little ears were not listening.

And lastly, I should not have laughed until I nearly peed watching Miss Thing do the Ninja Crawl from the front porch the 150 feet or so to the bus - all the while looking up, down and all around her. It wasn't until the third look behind her and fighting crouch that I realized she was looking for the coyotes.

Remind me to give the Karate Teacher a proper thank you.


At 10:07 AM, Blogger Sheri said...

oh my goodness - you have some doozies for freinds that pull that shit on you. It frosts my ass that our husband's can't handle saying no without even having to ask us. My husband would've asked me too. I hate that.
Happy New Year Sharpie!

Call you tell you sister or you to resend her blog link? I've lost it in a computer fuck-up that I had. Thank you!

At 10:10 AM, Blogger Carol said...

Sheesh & Happy New Year!

At 10:28 AM, Blogger IG said...

I would have flipped the F out!
On both counts.

At 11:40 AM, Blogger Michele said...

I cant believe the nerve of the "friend". Can not. Not. Just cant. Nope.

I would have done the same thing, but I would talked about her to every other woman at the party with kids. I am a passive agressive wimp that way. Cant say no, but cant shut up about it either.

At 10:33 PM, Anonymous JayMonster said...

Not only would my wife had hit the roof (I'm a wimp in such situations), first she would have given them a what for, and then just for good measure would have used michele's passive/aggressive tactics (only not quite so passively).

Commendations to you for making it through without the need for state or local police.

Happy New Year!

Maybe you could give her a little can of "Acme Coyote Away" spray (own label on say a small can of air freshener).

At 12:18 PM, Blogger Heather said...

Holy crap. I hope DH told her where she could stick the horse.


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