March 03, 2006

What's Next Leg Warmers?!?!

I have to be honest and tell you that while I am typing this my heart is pounding, I haven't been this scared of fashion since gauchos first reared their ugly head again and brought back flashbacks of grade school Class Picture Day.

There I was perusing the latest Victoria's Secret catalog.
It had all the staples.

Skimpy bras - check.

Thong undies - check.

Low cut or Bra-less Shirts that no one I KNOW can wear - check.

And THEN, on page 146 - there it was - the one thing that could strike fear in any woman over thirty.





FUCKING LEGGINGS!!!!! WTF is that??????
Do you know what the description said?! Flash back, fashion forward. What?!

Skinny, straight-leg leggings with no room for a few extra pounds or a little cottage cheese on your ass. You can see every dimple in those bad-boys. When did straight leg come back in? I was LOVING the wide leg, flares, bell-bottoms!! They balance off my "womanly" figure. I know, I know I bitched about low rise - but let's face it - as long as you are not wearing super low-rise and you have the right size on - they look better than the MOM jeans they were passing off to us. Unless you did any of the aforementioned and then....I saw your ass crack. AND THAT IS NOT ATTRACTIVE!

I mean, I'll look because its kinda like roadkill - hard to turn away. I was at a local pub with a few friends last week and they had bar stools. OK. Barstools are not the best friend of low-rise jeans and short shirts, especially if you are wearing ill-fitting jeans....fyi. I'm here to help. This poor girl had no clue that from behind she looked like my plumber Al and I almost asked her/him to come by to look at the sink.

I'm just sayin.

Put the jeans on - squat down and if you feel a breeze - check before you go out. The girl I mentioned above - also was not wearing any UNDERWEAR! Yes I said it. It looked like ass cleavage and not a thong in the mix. Scary.

I'm not the Fashion Police by any means - but COME ON!!! Over the last few years, I have seen more ass and underwear than back in the good old days of college and art school (where I HAD to draw naked people!).

So today I am making a stand against the lastest fashion trend. Who's with me?

5 Comments:

At 8:28 AM, Blogger Michele said...

Couple of thoughts:
Leggings back - bad idea and I am frightened that the next step will be the DREADED Stirrup pants. I worked with woman who dragged that fad into the next milennium, so badly that they outlawed it in the dress code. One guy friend who managed a bunch of women even made them CUT THE STIRRUPS OFF of their pants on their second violation.

Second thought - Have you also noticed the prominent display of muffin tops over the low rise jeans? I mean the fat rolls young girls are exhibiting between the top of their jeans and the bottom of their too tight layered shirts. Since when were fat rolls chic? Silly me, I have been keeoing mine covered up under long sweaters.

 
At 9:07 AM, Blogger Sheri said...

Leggings? You've got to be kidding. Please tell me you are joking. A lady I used to work with had a white pair and she wasn't a tiny woman. I literally had the Psycho shower scream in my head when I saw her in them. I had to chuckle when I read about the bar stool becuase last night we went out to dinner and sat at the bar. I secretly thought to myself "I'm so happy it's winter and I have a coat to drape over the back of this barstool to hide my ass hanging off the sides from the rest of the world."

 
At 12:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

No way. Leggings stay far far away.

-Island Girl

 
At 3:13 PM, Blogger sherry said...

Dude. Seriously.

I saw those, actually, and thought much the same. It was a big, WTF???? moment to say the least.

My question is this: when the HELL will fashion be accessible for skinny AND chubby women alike?

 
At 7:30 AM, Blogger amanda said...

I made this same startling discovery a few months ago when I noticed them in Urban Outfitters. They are trying to come back, but I'm with you, sister. We will resist them.

But I can't entirely knock leg warmers, as they've become a wonderful and necessary part of darling C.'s wardrobe. So much easier than tights under a dress--easy access to all diapers. We can let babies off the hook, right?

What I love about this fashion resurrection is that my neighbor who has been languishing in her big bangs and stirrup leggings since the 80s can now find herself at the height of fashion once again.

 

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