March 01, 2006

My Newest Torture Device

Can someone PLEASE tell me why a sports bra is so FUCKING ridiculous to wiggly into?!

Oh don't look at me that way - You know of what I speak! The wriggling, the unrolling, the twisting to and fro and PULLING to get it down over your boobs!!!

Oh go without you say??...NAYYYYY My friends. As I have breastfeed TWO children and my breasts resemble that of a National Geographics Cover Model. I can not (as if an option - I kid myself - I'm a kidder) wear a half shirt/belly shirt sans bra for fear you would see my nipples peeking out the bottom.

Not to say I am of the large breasted kind. Again I say Nay. I am a very watery C cup. Watery is a medical term for boobs that lack silicone Always here to help inform. It's what I DO.

I know what you're thinking... go with Oprah's Pick on Sports Bras. Its a sassy-ass number with a zip-up front (see, no wriggling for Oprah - oh NO!) Sure. But its $45.00 fucking smack-a-roonies! For ONE bra. I don't spend $45 bucks on an entire outfit - let alone one bra. I work-out 6-7 days a week. And I um.......... glow. OK, OK I FUCKING SWEAT like a male porn star. (Ya got a visual, don't cha?!)

So, I would need at least 5 bras - I do NOT do laundry all that often. That's...let's see...carry the one.... $225.00 bucks on bras. How exactly as I going to slip that past hubby.... (reading/scrutinizing over the MC bill....... what is Boulder Holders for 250 bucks????) Maybe if they were lacy with cut-outs for the nipples - he might go for it.

Who am I KIDDING, he's seen me workout (as we have a gym in the basement) and my friends, it is not pretty.

But I rocked the shit out of the elliptical AFTER I wrangled that bra on and kicked it up to level 7!! Yes 7!! Bob and Jillian would have been so proud. I will be the BIGGEST LOSER!!!!!


At 9:27 AM, Blogger Michele said...

No help here. I am a 40 DDD. the only time I tried on a sports bra, I literally had to ask someone else to help me out of it because I was stuck with my arms over my head and couldnt get out.

Myabe Oprah will have you on for her "You get a bra and you get a bra and you get a bra! Everybody gets a bra!" episode during sweeps week.

At 10:26 AM, Blogger Melody said...

Getting into it is ONLY half the battle...Gets even harder to get out of it once you are all sweaty!!!!

At 2:08 PM, Blogger Sheri said...

oh yes - they suck SO bad! I was literally stuck in mine at the gym one time with my arms up over my head. Then verigo set in and I fell against the wall. Someone hollared in "Are you ok in there?" how embarrassing to say "yes I'm ok - my bra is so fucking sweaty that I can't get the fuck out of it."

At 7:53 PM, Blogger sherry said...

You know me and my two grand tetons.

No help here, my dear.


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