At Least in the Shower They Can't Drown

I mean, unless they are going to stand under the water, mouth agape and swallow it. But my kids are the type that if any water even drips into their eyes - they are bolting for the far end of the shower - where the water doesn't even reach...and oh yeah...they are screaming "MMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM...I have SSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAPPPPPP in my EEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEESSSSSS!!" But they don't - its just water. Silly little freaks.

Even as annoying as that is - I realize that it is a shitload better than the days of "THE TUB". I think about this as I bound down the stairs for my third cup of coffee while child number two is standing in the water singing about that "She's a Survivor, she's gonna make it". DOWN THE STAIRS. See, cuz they can't drown.

Unlike the days of the tub. Strapped to the hunk of porcelain, sometimes just out of sheer boredom, sometimes because shit had exploded out of their ass and somehow covered their hair down to their socks - eyes peeled...watching. Even though you were so sleep deprived that the warm air from the warm water had somehow lured you into thinking that curling up on the bath mat WAS the best idea in the world. MUST. RESIST. EYES. CLOSING.

God, those days seem like another time. Another person. I don't think I actually HAVE the patience for the TUB anymore. Isn't that amazing how that happens? I don't even miss it. I almost feel bad saying that. I still help them wash their hair - and my 5-year old - I still wash him - because let's face it - this is the kid with the shit on the toilet seat. Miss Thing is spreading her wings, doesn't NEED me to help her wash. She is MORE than capable of squirting her American Girl Body Wash on her scrunchie and washing herself...thank you very fucking much.

Pretty soon, shaving legs, pits and training bras. And menstrual cycles. OMG!!
Maybe if I try really hard - I CAN drown myself in the shower....
Or in my fourth cup of coffee.