Kermit, He Was A Good Frog (and Friend)

We recently had a death in the family of the four-legged variety.

An albino frog named Kermit. (We are SO original in the Sharpie household).

We was found doing the dead man's float in the fish tank somewhere near the bottom of the tank. And hubby saw him first. Loudly....GASP .... mad tapping on the glass. He now has the attention of the ENTIRE family. He announces, "I think Kermit is dead. "

OK. First, could ya NOT DO THAT?! 5-year-old (who was owner of said frog and lover of all that is furry, slimy or scaly) is de-vas-tated. Crying has commenced. And someone is yelling.... oh wait, that's ME. Could you quietly take note of the dead frog. Slowly return to the dinner table and smile through the rest of dinner. And while helping me clear the table, whisper that The FUCKING FROG IS DEAD!!!!!!!

I'm just saying.

5-year-old (from this point on I will call him Lil Man) gets it together long enough to decide he is going to give Kermit a proper send-off. And with the all the courage he can muster, wipes his eyes, straightens up, squares his shoulders and takes the frog to the bathroom...where after a moment of silent prayer he is sent to his final resting place. Flush. Amen.

This is not the first burial he has attended. We have also buried Scooby the Hermit Crab, Sara the Hamster (which included a mini coffin made of a soap box lined with tissue covers and a gravesite dig in the middle of a monsoon) and Flash the Hermit Crab, as well as MANY fish along the way. Each made them cry.

Sara the hamster was the worst. Miss Thing called everyone in the family crying to tell them of Sara's untimely passing. She caught poor Uncle Horkin off guard (Auntie Horkin was out that day). I can't remember exactly what he said to her, but I DO remember apologizing for the ambush. He had no kids at that point, after all and he did well under pressure. I knew that day, he would be a good Daddy.

We still have Wiper the cat, Tom the Hermit Crab, Sara II the Hamster, 3 fish and 1 lone Albino Frog.

I guess we'll keep the Horkin Family on speed dial.