I May Have To Change The Name Of This Blog

With Christmas rapidly approaching, I was not surprised to find an enormous pile of boxes the UPS guy have left precariously stacked RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOOR - ensuring that I would inevitably send them cascading down the front steps when I tried to slide my big ass out the door to retrieve them. As I lugged in my haul, I noticed a box from a certain company I was fairly certain I had not purchased anything from - but, hey I have been known to shop with wild abandon during this season and figured the only way to be sure was to rip it right the fuck open immediately.

Inside this HUGE box was a smaller box surrounded by so much padding, I thought there must have been a live puppy in there. Uh No. Inside, the smaller box I found this....



It seems the women I work with remotely (we all work from home - but have constant contact) have heard my babbling about how much I suck as a Mom a FEW times and thought this appropriate. I laughed until my mascara ran.

This is the accompanying acceptance speech I enclosed with a photo this morning.....

On Behalf Of Slacker Moms Everywhere - I am happy to accept this prestigious award. Now when I lay me eyes upon it - its bright shimmer will dull the pain of knowing this award was completely sarcastic. I would now like to take the time to thank all the people who have helped me to get to this place.

First, I would like to thank the Academy of Chicks I Work With for their quick wit in whipping up this award. It's beautiful jagged design will always give me a way to impale myself if it just gets to be too much. Specifically I would like to thank Shaneequa and Shaqwanda for always listening to my endless bragging for WHY I should get the Mother of the Year award.
Thank you ladies.

Of course, this award would not be possible if not for my loving children who no matter how I try to revel in my award, always keep me grounded by knowing that in some way I suck as their Mother.

Lastly, I would like to thank all of the other Mothers out there - if it were not for them I would have no gauge for exactly how high the bar is set. Their flawless memories for Teddy Bear Day, appropriate non-peanut snacks and play-dates are a constant reminder of the tenacity it requires to be Mother of the Year.

In closing, I would like to say thank you for this award. I have strived long and hard over the last (almost) 9 long years to reach my goal. It's wonderful to know that after achieving my goal - it's really all down hill from here.

Thank You for the hysterical laughter that erupted after I opened the box. It was so unexpected that I ruined my make-up crying with laughter.

Best Regards,
Mother of the Year 2006
Sharpie