Sludge
Did you ever feel like you were just going through your every days just feeling great - swimming through that crystal clear water that is your life. Not too deep - just surface skimming. That's where most of us swim. We don't go too deep. Because way deep down in the water that is our lives there are layers. Layers and layers of stuff. It's too thick to see through and we don't go there. It's not a good place.
And while swimming through with our eyes open, someone goes and stirs up the bottom of your life. Just takes a big ole wooden spoon and stirs and scraps the bottom. Now. Now, the water is no longer clear up top. It's murky and foggy. You can't really see clear through anymore. And no matter how you try to swim unscathed - a piece (or lots of pieces) of the sludge keep rapping you upside the head. It makes you disoriented. Nothing makes sense because these things are buried for a reason. The are NOT supposed to be stirred. They are SUPPOSED to sit at the bottom and become cement - form sedentary rocks for fossils. Fossis you can look at briefly - but not keep - they are not for keeping. They stay at the bottom.
I am swimming among the sludge. I have been for a few weeks.
I am trying to tread water until all the sludge settles again. And try not to drown in the meantime.
No details. Of the sludge or the stirrer. Not important.
So I am asking you. Can someone please tell me a joke - so I can laugh while treading water.
I am getting a cramp - seriously a joke. Please.
posted by Sharpie @ 9:40 AM
7 comments
7 Comments:
I'm sorry things are murky right now. Blech.
So a joke...this one never fails to make me laugh although its totally stupid I shouldn't even type it but..
A man walks into a bar....OUCH!
See - told ya. Dumb.
I can never remember jokes but here goes:
(this needs to be told in an Irish accent but use your imagination)
Mary is having a fancy dinner party and send husband Pat out to buy escargot:
"Now go right down to the fishmonger and come right back. No stoppin' off at the pub Patty!"
Patty heads out and on the way home decides to stop off for just one at the pub. He runs into an old friend and three pints later finally remembers the snails and head home. He starts up the steps to the second floor flat and trips and dumps all of the snails out on the ground. Mary hears the comotion and whips open the door to yell at him for taking so long.
"Patty I told you to come right back and now look at you, drunk and late and the escargot probably dead on the ground!"
Patty thinks fast and gestures to the snails "C'mon boys, just a few more steps and we'll be home."
It loses verything in translation. (sigh) i cant remember jokes.
Very sprry to hear about the sludge. Hope things settle soon. Hugs.
How about a funny story. A story about my brother, his wife, and, um, my other brother. We will call him unmarried brother.
So married brother, wife and unmarried brother live in highly student-esque basement apartment. They have the pleasure of evil-landlord. Evil-landlord named Steve, whom they call Ray... because of his distinct resemblence to Ray Romano.
One day, Ray corners the brothers and the wife and asks them (none-too-politely) to follow him to the dryer. He opens the dryer and says "Let me introduce you to Mr. Lint-Trap".
Right, so this royally pissed off the trio. Royally. Now, Ray is the lucky recipient of junk-mail. Lots and lots of junk-mail. All addressed to Mr. Lint-trap. Because, doesn't Mr. Lint-trap deserve credit-card offers too?
So maybe you had to be there.
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at
him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he
knows her from.
So he says, "Do you Know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to
his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that
I had on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner
whipped my butt with wet celery?"
She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her electric wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.
One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!" he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him.
"OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him.
Harold nodded and said "On your way, Ma'am."
As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt-Naked, and holding his "you-know-what" in his hand.
"Oh, good grief," yelled Ethel, "Not that damn breathalyzer test again!!!"
While you are "swimming":
Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs swimming in the ocean?
A:Bob
I know it's old, but it's appropriate
I know the feeling--you have described that sludge feeling perfectly. I am swimming in it too these days and it sucks. I never can remember jokes, but here's wishing you a big bottle of chlorine and a mega-powered pool vaccuum.
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