March 16, 2006

Who Asked For The Honey Dew?

Yesterday felt more like the
Iron Man triathalon than a typical
Wednesday around here.

Besides being unable to swim towards the light
where the workload is concerned, I had to attend
a presentation at the college of which I teach.

In the middle of the day.
With Lil Man, who I took out of school early to attend.

A dear friend and amazingly talented man was to be
the guest speaker and well I had twisted his arm to do
it - so how could I not show.
And when I say AMAZING let me not be fuzzy about
this... he is the MOST talented I have EVER met.

But I didn't know the presentation was nearly 3 hours long.
With a 5-year old. sigh.

After making it through that (barely) - we ventured to the
accountant to drop off tax stuff and for a quick lunch
via a drive-thru since it was 3:00 after all. Isn't that
when ALL moms feed their 5-year olds lunch?

I'm a winner.

Hey winner mom - don't you have another kid?
Why yes - why do you ask?

Well, because the clock in your mini-van reads 2:50
but since the guys at the garage who, smoked a carton
of cigarettes in your van decided they were really
gonna FUCK with you...they set the clock WRONG!!
Oh yes - its 3:15 - after school lets out and I'm at least
a half hour away and behind every White Hair driving
2 miles an hour on the road.
Fan-fucking-tacular.

I arrived (read here drove like a freaking maniac) and
had about an hour to cook/work/help with homework/
work some more/2 work phone calls/get daughter into
Karate uniform/work/pee etc, etc.

Got to Karate Belt Ceremony - without my Twat of a Husband
and I won't even go there as it is a post all its own....watched
with pride as she kicked ass and rolled eyes at said TWAT when
he arrived 30 minutes late.

Drove home to shower kids/work/eat something quick myself/
work/quickly because my Crazy Sister
was driving an hour and half to go to Walmart. Her night out.
With me. At the WT Haven - see she is CRAZY.

And we had a GREAT time. Well, at least I did.
I poked and made fun of all I laid eyes on...for
my sister's benefit, or course.

Until she pointed out that I had a HUGE hole
in the crotch of my black pants IN THE FRONT,
clearly visible. (And I think I should note that
she noticed this WHILE I was fucking around
trying on a thick-ass belt and walking the cat-walk
in the accessories aisle.)
That I had worn to the college, accountant,
lunch, Karate ceremony and now Walmart.....
At least I was wearing underwear.
Yes, she HOWLED.

(See, I can make her laugh.)

We perused all the aisles - we were in no hurry.
I picked up a few last minute items for our trip.
She picked up the most annoying toy for Lil Max -
which I am SURE is lying discarded on the highway
right now after it sounded off the entire ride home.

But we didn't buy any candles.
I smelled one round one that said Honey Dew
but really smelled like ass. More like a Honey Don't.
And as we were rounding the next turn a loud voice yelled out...
"Who wanted the Honey Dew?"
We both turn. Here comes a crazy, side braid wearing lady who
worked there. With a wild look in her eye she shoved a
Honey Dew Jar Candle up under our noses.

Okay.

Hey Thanks.

Don't mind the hysterical women down the next aisle.
I didn't know they had personal shoppers at Walmart?!
Maybe she could have found me a nice pair
of black polyester pants......

5 Comments:

At 2:45 PM, Blogger HomeFireBlue said...

hahaha! You totally disappointed me though. I was gleefully sitting here thinking: "Sharpie wasn't wearing any underpants!" (you have to kinda say it all sing-songy like a teasing kid).

That's what you get for going in the Sprawl-mart, anyway. I go for entertainment value alone. Really.

 
At 3:00 PM, Blogger sherry said...

It was a hoot, that's for sure. My personal favorite highlight of the evening was, surprisingly, when you broke out your Rocky imitation on that Superman costume. I nearly peed.

Although, the whole in your pants just made it that much funnier.

 
At 4:28 PM, Blogger Michele said...

I love this because I can so relate to sister humor and what funnier place is there to go crotchless than Walmart on a Thursday night.

This from a woman who just wasted 32 hysterical minutes on the phone with her sister speculating about what ESPN stands for.

 
At 4:28 PM, Blogger Michele said...

I love this because I can so relate to sister humor and what funnier place is there to go crotchless than Walmart on a Thursday night.

This from a woman who just wasted 32 hysterical minutes on the phone with her sister speculating about what ESPN stands for.

 
At 5:25 PM, Blogger Sheri said...

Mommycakes loved it so much she posted twice!

Crotchless + Thursday = Walmart fer sure!

It sounds like you and the sis had a super time. ROFLMAO!!!

 

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