March 27, 2006

Some Things I've Learned from Disney

I am ever so happy to report that we did indeed have a wonderful, fun-filled vacation full of 80 degree days and amazing firework filled nights.

Being that we had not taken vacation in 9 years - there was a LOT of pressure on this vacation to be spectacular at the very least. From us - not the kids - they were like little sponges taking it all in - they had NO concept of the massiveness that is Disney.

But, I also learned a few things.

(Disclaimer so as not to be sued by Disney - It Is, Has Been and Will Always BE The Happiest Place on Earth)


If you are planning a trip down there - here's a few things I discovered along the way.

1. You should always explain to your 5 year old BEFORE being ripped out of bed in the middle of the night dragged through an airport while ripping his coat and shoes off and throwing his prized possession in a gray bin to disappear into a machine BEFORE YOU GO TO THE AIRPORT!!! Or at least before the man beyond the metal detector yells at him to go back because he attached himself to you while you were walking thru. I'm just saying.

2. Second graders talk about how flying is the SCARIEST THING ON EARTH and yours might not tell you this before she starts having a full blown panic attack down the runway. Or in the air or when the plane is turning or you hit a wind pocket.

3. This one goes with #2 - those earphones they give you - no matter how loud they are - do not drown out the above.

4. All-Star Movie Resort is the FARTHEST resort away from everything and the LAST stop after All-Star Sports and after ALL-Star Music - WHICH THEY CRAMMED EVERYONE FROM ALL 3 RESORTS ON ONE FUCKING BUS.

5. A 5 and an 8 year old CAN hold on while standing on said bus even after walking 13 miles in the blazing sun.

6. We did not rent a stroller. Although I could have really used the ride...

7. There IS enough room to have sex in the bathroom. (Barely, as the sink is OUTSIDE the bathroom)

8. They ACTUALLY use SEGWAYS in Disney. For real. To get them from Point A to Point B. Seriously. Its like a freakshow.

9. If your son farts loud enough in the middle of the night to evoke a laugh out of you because it sounded so wet and gross and the smell does NOT dissipate - he DID shit his pants!

And when the 5 minutes goes by while you are trying to comprehend THAT - hoping the smell goes away and BEFORE you ask the question "Did You SHIT YOUR PANTS???!?"

A) husband hears nothing
B) It is completely liquid and has gone thru all layers INCLUDING COMFORTER
C) Smell will never leave the room
D) Son will then take a shower, get dried off
realize there is an encore waiting in his small intestine and alternate between
puking out his mouth and pissing out his ass for the next 3 hours
E) They will not replace the comforter for the whole week.

10. All of the rude people of the world go to Disney on the same week I did.

11. ALL of the Parks, sometime after 3:00pm smell like shit or dirty feet.
(Perhaps #9 happens regularly. Or perhaps I just tell myself that to make me feel better. Shut Up, I'm sure it happens)

12. Two words - Germ Mecca

13. Apparently, you CAN puke in your bed, in the middle of the night and not wake up before it happens.

14. Downy Wrinkle Release also works well as a replacement of Febreeze.

15. Tower of Terror is the scariest ride ever. And I brought them on it.

16. Southern people are the most fun to be around.
The term "Ya DONE TORE it up" was heard twice on the trip.

17. The PhotoPass Cd is worth every penny. We got 140 hi-res pics for the $99.
Considering it cost me $6 bucks to wash Sir Shittypants stuff - It really is a good deal.

18. The food plan is worth the money. But, the food sucks big ear chunks.

19. A week at Disney feels a little bit like a being in the middle of a cow stampede.

20. We're going back next year.


At 12:49 AM, Anonymous BrendaS said...

sounds to me like ya'll had a pretty shitty tome and tore the place up.. so to speak :)

At 7:23 AM, Blogger Sheri said...

wow - I'll be sure to keep track of this list as we are planning a trip in November.

At 8:06 AM, Blogger Michele said...

Woohoo - sounds like a rip roarin good time!

At 12:18 PM, Blogger HomeFireBlue said...

Sharpie, my dear, I'm glad y'all had fun(?), sorry the boy was sick, and grateful that, now, I can happily never ever go Disney 'cause I got enough of an experience from your description.

-Blue (not a fan of Disney, theme parks, or, ya know, people)

PS: welcome back!

At 1:28 PM, Anonymous Mary said...

That was the funniest post I have read in a looooong time!


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