June 05, 2006

Big Blue Ball Of Suck

Yes. I said it.

Because its true. What's the big blue ball of suck you ask?

The huge hunk of blue minivan, sitting dead in the water, in the middle of my driveway. My piece of crap, lovingly called the GuineaVan - because of the whole Italian Family thing. She no wanna start. Capishe??

And the glass company that is supposed to come and fix the windshield today (FUNNY how irony is no??) They're not here yet - so I can't even call the tow company to tow the piece of shit to the garage to get fixed. And DH and I had to PUSH the minivan and all its assholedness OUT OF THE GARAGE to get the window fixed...ready??.... And it has started to rain....looks like the sky in the War of the Worlds movie....yes... awesome. Thank you very much. So, I'm guessing the window is not getting fixed and it will leak and then smell like spoiled milk FOREVER or until I drive it off the Sikorsky Bridge. If it even makes it that far.

I'm not sure who I pissed off, Karmacly speaking, but I have had quite a weird run of unfortunate things happen. Starting with the hard drive incident. Moving right through to the minivan and a few in between. Here's the recap.

My son came off the bus on Friday looking like his dog had just gotten run over. (If we had a dog - I would have kicked it by the end of all of this - but AHEM)

"What's the matter?" I ask innocently. HA.

Hysterical crying ensues. Can't make out what he's saying.

"What happened?!"

"You were the ONLY mother NOT there today in school!!"

NOW I am FRANTIC - What the FUCK did I miss. Mad running through my brain, not Field Day, not the Beach Party - Oh MY GOD - Not Kindergarten Graduation. I CAN NOT BE THAT BIG OF A LOSER?!?! Its on a Friday - but not this Friday RIGHT?! RIGHT!!!

Total panic has set in and I am screeching through the house to reach A) my calendar and B) all the notices sent home. He is STILL crying. No, no I have Graduation as NEXT week June 9th - not today. Calling friend to verify - no its next week. Pit in stomach I think it is eating the lining. What the fuck did I miss? Email teacher. No answer. Call 2 of Lil Man's friends mothers. No answer.

Finally get a call back. It was Volunteer Appreciation Day. And guess who was not invited?? Uh huh. Because I work and do not go in to help the teacher cut paper - which DO NOT even get me started on how I think that is all a load of crap anyway - so, no soup for me. Me and 2 other loser moms not invited.

OUCH. I'm over it - Lil Man has not quite recovered - but he will. I'm really NOT upset about not being invited as I don't volunteer - I just wish they would have given me a heads up - so I could explain to him that I wasn't going to be there.


Then as if to wash it all away - the skies opened up and poured like I have never seen. Coming down at a recorded 13 inches an hour (can you fucking believe that??!!) it flooded our basement. First time in 6 years we've lived here. Of course it did.

That was the kinda day I was having. See what I am saying about the Karma thing??

Well, I am going to try to wash that bad ju-ju out from under my finger nails. Go burn some Sage and do a prayer service.

The big highlight of my weekend came on Saturday in a little black box.

My hubby never was much in holding out with a surprise. Isn't it beautiful? Thank GOD he didn't get the sales girl with the big tits - he can't focus and ends up buying crap. Seriously. It's happened before.


At 11:22 AM, Blogger Sheri said...

oh Miss Sharpie, I swear, I do not mean to laugh so freakin' hard. Your poor little son! My daughter did the exact same thing to me when I was not invited to volunteer ice cream sundae thank you day. I didn't know about it either and felt like a big pile of dog shit when my daughter was bawling that all the other moms were there but me. The freakin' stress of elementary school is too much.

Your ring is gorgeous!!! Your hubby has good taste!

Here's hoping that your luck does a big turn around and SOON!

At 3:50 PM, Blogger Miguelita said...

"Guinea Van" - hahahahahaha!

I agree with you about teachers and the whole volunteering racket. All designed to make you look like a loser if you dont take vacation time to help them do their job. Do you think they would be willing to use some of their summer vacation to help you with your job?

Sorry - not meaning to harsh out on the teachers. Just commiserating with my sister on this same issue over the weekend.

At 3:51 PM, Blogger Miguelita said...

My firewall at work blocks the picture of your surprise. Will have to check later at home....

At 5:10 PM, Blogger VTek said...

The ring is gorgeous! Now go work on that "My name is Earl/Sharpie" karma list -LOL

At 5:14 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

Oh shit - your story alone will make me volunteer....oh boy!!!!

And holy crap - your ring is gorgous - hubby did good!!!

At 8:12 PM, Blogger Penny Karma, aka the F-Bomb Mom said...

Don't you love it when you panic that you missed something monumental?

Just realized that Monumental sounds like "Mom, you mental!"

Thank GOD you didn't miss Kindergarten Graduation. Cuz they don't get over that shit. They'll be telling that story to therapist after therapist.

At 9:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah, the guinea van. You failed to mention the little Italian flag emblem on the back...

This whole teacher thing has just gotten out of control. I saw something today that said it's advised you buy them gifts at the beginning AND end of the year????? What the eff???? I have two kids, does that mean I need to give TWO gifts?

Shit. Homeschooling looks good about now.

Your ring is stunning, of course. Hubsy done good but yes, thank GOD he got the ugly salesgirl.

At 9:12 AM, Blogger macboudica said...

I have had eight years of school activity induced guilt. And about fifteen years of crappy cars. So I feel your pain.

I empathise with your husband. I once bought a security system from a cutie college guy and regretted it for the whole three years of the contract I signed.


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