Big Blue Ball Of Suck

Yes. I said it.

Because its true. What's the big blue ball of suck you ask?

The huge hunk of blue minivan, sitting dead in the water, in the middle of my driveway. My piece of crap, lovingly called the GuineaVan - because of the whole Italian Family thing. She no wanna start. Capishe??

And the glass company that is supposed to come and fix the windshield today (FUNNY how irony is no??) They're not here yet - so I can't even call the tow company to tow the piece of shit to the garage to get fixed. And DH and I had to PUSH the minivan and all its assholedness OUT OF THE GARAGE to get the window fixed...ready??.... And it has started to rain....looks like the sky in the War of the Worlds movie....yes... awesome. Thank you very much. So, I'm guessing the window is not getting fixed and it will leak and then smell like spoiled milk FOREVER or until I drive it off the Sikorsky Bridge. If it even makes it that far.

I'm not sure who I pissed off, Karmacly speaking, but I have had quite a weird run of unfortunate things happen. Starting with the hard drive incident. Moving right through to the minivan and a few in between. Here's the recap.

My son came off the bus on Friday looking like his dog had just gotten run over. (If we had a dog - I would have kicked it by the end of all of this - but AHEM)

"What's the matter?" I ask innocently. HA.

Hysterical crying ensues. Can't make out what he's saying.

"What happened?!"

"You were the ONLY mother NOT there today in school!!"

NOW I am FRANTIC - What the FUCK did I miss. Mad running through my brain, not Field Day, not the Beach Party - Oh MY GOD - Not Kindergarten Graduation. I CAN NOT BE THAT BIG OF A LOSER?!?! Its on a Friday - but not this Friday RIGHT?! RIGHT!!!

Total panic has set in and I am screeching through the house to reach A) my calendar and B) all the notices sent home. He is STILL crying. No, no I have Graduation as NEXT week June 9th - not today. Calling friend to verify - no its next week. Pit in stomach I think it is eating the lining. What the fuck did I miss? Email teacher. No answer. Call 2 of Lil Man's friends mothers. No answer.

Finally get a call back. It was Volunteer Appreciation Day. And guess who was not invited?? Uh huh. Because I work and do not go in to help the teacher cut paper - which DO NOT even get me started on how I think that is all a load of crap anyway - so, no soup for me. Me and 2 other loser moms not invited.

OUCH. I'm over it - Lil Man has not quite recovered - but he will. I'm really NOT upset about not being invited as I don't volunteer - I just wish they would have given me a heads up - so I could explain to him that I wasn't going to be there.

WHATEVER.

Then as if to wash it all away - the skies opened up and poured like I have never seen. Coming down at a recorded 13 inches an hour (can you fucking believe that??!!) it flooded our basement. First time in 6 years we've lived here. Of course it did.

That was the kinda day I was having. See what I am saying about the Karma thing??

Well, I am going to try to wash that bad ju-ju out from under my finger nails. Go burn some Sage and do a prayer service.

The big highlight of my weekend came on Saturday in a little black box.



My hubby never was much in holding out with a surprise. Isn't it beautiful? Thank GOD he didn't get the sales girl with the big tits - he can't focus and ends up buying crap. Seriously. It's happened before.