June 06, 2006

A Letter

Dear Megan's Mom-

When you approached me in the beginning of the school year to tell me the awfully hard time your poor, poor angel daughter was having because of mean ole (insert girl name here) and was wondering if I could speak to MY daughter on her behalf. See, it was not MY daughter being mean. She liked my daughter. Oh ok. And well, Megan's mom - you appealed to me - not only as a mom of a daughter - but also as a grown-up girl who can remember all too well the horrific escapades of being a girl not in the "in-crowd". So. Against better judgment I spoke to Miss Thing. I FORCED the issue of friendship even pulling your daughter into an extra-curricular activity so she could befriend your little precious daughter.

My daughter did what obedient little girls do. She was her friend.

And as the school year progressed I noticed more and more my daughter was distraught. SO overwhelming was your daughters needy grasp. Miss thing was drowning in it. Still I pressed her. She had no one else. "How would YOU like to not have any other friends?" How I choke on those words.

And last month brought you back to my face, dear Megan's mother. To tell me Miss Thing, was "Being so very mean to her precious petunia. And ALL because of the way she dressed." GASP here appropriately.

I told her I would speak to my daughter. When the full story unfolded, it seems Miss Thing relayed a message from (insert girls name here) to Megan who DEMANDED to know what other girl had said. Other girl had said she didn't like her clothes. "Why I asked?" "Because she still dresses in pull-on pants with gumballs on them. No ONE, being 8 years old would be caught dead." Uh huh. I explain she need not get involved. She need to distance herself as Megan makes all the rules - only allows Miss Thing to do what she wants never playing with other girls. Something Miss Thing DESPERATELY wanted. She tells me Megan lies getting her in trouble - holding it over her head so she HAS to play with her. Hmmm. So the precious girl is not all the mom sells her as. "You can play with whomever you choose." I spoke to you Megan's mother and explained all of this. Explained that I spoke to my daughter told her to be mindful of your babies feelings - as there were friends.

Fast forward to today.

As I walk across open lot of Field Day and see my daugther weeping at what is the MOST fun day of the entire year - you try to cut me off. Say you need to speak to me. In a moment. I speak to my daughter, who is hysterical, because YOU Megan's mother screamed in her face about how she was being mean to poor Megan for playing with another girl and that she should be nice and play with Megan.

And be mindful of the fact that as I walked over to you, Megan's mother, and asked you what was going on and you told me you had SPOKEN to my daughter - I SUGGEST that you count yourself lucky that I merely said thru clenched teeth that you were NEVER to speak to my daughter. I, god damn it, I SPEAK to my daughter. And instead of the raised eyebrows and surprised look - you should be thanking your stars that I didn't choke the fucking life out of you in front of your three precious children. Or rather drag you beaten body to the dunk tank where I watched your eyes glaze over, you fucking cunt.

How fucking DARE you. You didn't yell you say. I say I don't give a fuck. My kid is crying. Oh, yours too? I don't give a shit anymore. I don't give a shit what the fuck she says. You say there are other sides to my daughters story. I'm sorry, did you just call my kid a liar on top of everything else??? Seriously?? That you did not speak to her? Oh you did speak to her - then she is not a fucking liar, asshat.

I should have called you? No, as I explained I HAVE A FUCKING JOB and these girls can deal with it on their own. Oh I see why she said that, she says. Said what? YOUR daughter, says Megan's mother, said my daughter could get over it. Told her to get it thru her head, she wasn't playing with her and deal with it." I smile.

Good for you Miss thing.



At 12:53 PM, Blogger Wayfarer said...

Do dads of girls have to deal with this stuff, too, or is it really just a mom thing?

I remember my dad having to deal with things like this when I was a little boy, and my mother was not involved.

I'm wondering because my wife will not likely resist the urge to embarrass a "Megan's Mom" loudly and right to her face about the inappropriateness of her actions, so I'll want to be ready for the fallout from that.

Good for you for trusting in your daughter to deal with this kind of thing on her own, and good for her for doing just that (or trying to, anyway)!

I feel sorry for Megan, though. So much of the crap kids have to deal with doesn't come from them, and I pity those who are left to bear the sins of their parents. She'd probably be fine, if it weren't for her mom. But that's neither your fault nor your responsibility to abrogate. You have your own to worry about, and that is exactly as it should be.

At 12:58 PM, Blogger macboudica said...

Good for you for telling that mom off! Girls are so mean to each other and dealing with stupid moms is never fun.

At 10:08 PM, Blogger Tanya said...

Good for you!:) I wish I could be one to step up like that.

Sadly, I am all talk when it comes to that kind of thing. *sigh* Although- this taveling basbeall leauge is thickening my skin a little. Maybe in a couple more months I will be diffrent.

At 10:09 PM, Blogger Tanya said...

Okay- so I can't spell. Forgot to proof read. I wish I could blame it on a couple foo-foo drinks but I can't.

At 8:53 AM, Blogger Sheri said...

omg - your daughter is awesome!!! Way to go Miss Thing for speaking your mind. This Megan DOES need to learn to deal with it and it's ok to be friends with more than one person. My daughter has a friend like that who monopolizes her and gets mad at her for playing with others.

At 10:55 AM, Blogger Johannah said...

Oh Yikes.

I am not looking forward to this type of stuff as DD5 gets older.

Good for both of you for standing your ground!

At 11:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

First, I love Miss Thing now more than ever.

Second, her Uncle D seconds that notion.

Third, I admire your restraint in not pummeling Megan's Mom and sending her into the dunk tank to swim with the fishes.

Asshats. The lot of 'em.

At 10:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I must de-lurk to lend my moral support. I am a mom of 3 boys and, thankfully not had to deal with too much of this. HOWEVER, I was friend with a "megan's mom" Because I dealt mostly with the boys, I often thought how mean the girls must be from what I heard from "megan's mom"....Took me about one and a half school years to figure out "Megan's mom" was certifiably nuts (signs were there all along!) Megan is the way she is because of her mother!! I have heard her say the meanest things I could EVER EVER imagine about 5-8 year old girls, and I'm pretty imaginative...oh my gosh i could go on and on....needless to say I was thankful to move and never have to deal with her venom ever again. thank goodness there are moms like you to balance out the crazy. I just hope all the wonderful women I left behind survive dealing with her four more years until 8th grade grad. I pray for them and their daughters daily.

At 10:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh, and I always loved my dad the deacon's response to difficult people in a tense situation..He gets his tone of voice and inflection just right as he says, "You know, i will be praying for you and your daughter very much." His face overtly implies the "because you obviously need some divine intervention!" Then he walks away.

At 3:22 PM, Blogger Penny Karma, aka the F-Bomb Mom said...

Being the mom of a girl is Really Hard Work. But isn't it cool that in the middle of all that drama, there was a moment that made you so proud of Miss Thing?

I feel sorry for Megan too, but it's not your job to fix that. Mail a copy of the movie Stella Dallas anonymously to Megan's Mom. It's a classic. And far more diabolically subtle than sending Mommie Dearest.


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