Why You Should Nominate Me For Mother Of The Year 2007

I know, I KNOW, how could I expect to win the award for the ninth straight year, right? Pish-posh - I so BEG to win without even trying. I know I received that awesome award last year - so I'm trying to get another, that way I can justify buying that shelf I've been eyeing in Linens N Crap.

There was some discussion at the dinner table on Friday regarding swearing who at the table - in particular - does more of it. Since Miss Thing and Lil Man are NOT ALLOWED to swear (at least in front of us) the contestants were Hubby and I.

DH is a constant swearer of the lesser variety. He uses God Damn It, Sucks, Ass, Asshole, Crap, Shit, Hell etc. You get the picture. They are not said for effect. They are part of his vocabulary. "God Damn It son - why the hell is all this crap all over your damn room. It looks like a shit whole."

I myself try not to swear in that capacity. I reserve it for moments of PISSED OFF all out let it fly. I do use the bigger words in conversation to those close to me - not my kids - as I have a trucker mouth. I am not trying to say I do NOT swear. Oh, I do. And I do it well.

DH asks the kids "Who swears more Me or Mommy?"

Without even looking up from their dishes they answer in unison, "Mommy!"

"What the?!?! Are you kidding me?"

DH is looking rather smug, since he and I BOTH know most of his swears are MOUTHED to me under his breath for my own benefit. Like when I call him out for doing something really stupid in front of the kids, he will mouth "ASSHOLE" to me and I laugh. See why we get along?

I look at the kids and say "Ok I swear more - but WHO am I swearing AT?"

Without hesitation both kids point at DH.

Now I am really laughing.

"See, I am nice to THEM - just not you."

He continues to tease me about my gutter mouth all day - provoking me - hoping to get me to spew one of my rants in front of the kids. I don't take his bait. I needle him too - and he mouths "Fuck You".

Aha! "Kids Daddy said the BIG word - the F word!"

Lil Man - "Oh yeah? The F word huh? You mean Freaking Bastard??"

I'll be writing my acceptance speech.....