Can You Use It In A Sentence?

We are long past the "What's that? What's THAT? WHAT'S THAT?" stage of parenting that comes with their ever growing vocabulary and inquisitive minds. We long past the point that we say what everything is as we are doing it, so they can learn.

"Mommy is going to go to the closet to try to find a pair of pants to fit her enormous ass that she has had ever since having yoouuuuuuu - oohhh yessssshhhhh shhhhhhheeeee isssssssss. Who's a good girlllll?"

Long Past.

But the other day I spent a few hours with Miss Thing shopping at the local Mall and she felt like talking. This does not always happen - sometimes she doesn't want to talk AT ALL. I have tried to push those times - prod her - draw out conversation - but it never works.

This time, she was on a roll.

"Mom, do you know what gay means?"

I try not to act shocked. I mean did I think she had never heard of it in school. "Yes - do YOU know what gay means? Did you learn that in school? Did someone tell you what it means?"

Shrugs her shoulders..."Yeah. When 2 girls or 2 boys get married. No one told me, I figured it out from what some boy said to another girl."

"Oh." nothing else - no words of wisdom from me. I was feeling a bit "deer caught in the headlights". And I have MANY DEAR FRIENDS who ARE gay. And - I had nothing.

She moves on to other subjects, rambling on. I am scouting out Easter outfits, so I am not 100% paying attention.

"Mom, what does CONSTIPATED mean?"

Now this one makes me laugh, because COME ON, shit talk IS FUNNY.

"It's when you can't poop."

"Really? Can't poop?"

"yep." I am not sure why, but at that moment I was again struck by my uncomfortableness with her inquisition. I felt like a fish out of water. AND this is NOT me. I am an open and honest person. And here I am clamming up with my own kid.

"Why do you ask? I mean, where did you hear it that you are asking?"

"Oh Katey made up a rhyme that went, Constipated, Overrated, First-Class Loser."

I shoot her a funny look, but the moment has passed, she has already forgotten about our conversation.

I am lost in my own thoughts. Why am I feeling like this? Am I thrown by the fact that she is no longer that little blob that thought the sun rose and set on me? Am I weirded out by her pre-teen demeanor. Am I just getting old? I think maybe all of those....

A few stores later, I am still uneasy with my realization that my little girl has gone and grown up on me. I am really on the edge of tears in the middle of the mall.....

"Mom?"

Shaking off the weirdness, I smile at my little angel and decide she really is still my little girl. My beautiful little innocent, naive girl. "Yes sweetie?"

"What does alibi mean?"


Can someone buy her a dictionary...and me a Cosmopolitian?