July 17, 2008

OK - Vacation Is Officially Over

I was going to give you all more on our lovely trip, but blogger is being bitchy and loading pictures is akin to swallowing glass so... here's the summary... we went to England, France and Germany and had kick ass times in each, OK?

Work, I believe I have mentioned, has been in a real down swing lately and it has made me very nervous. While I know that the economy all over sucks wind, when you are not making half of what you have been, that's more than a recession in our house... it's dire. Thankfully, this week is back to the crazy ass ways of freelancing, where I have no idea how I will get it done, who is going to cook dinner (pizza I am looking your way tonight.. wink wink), and not working out (absolutely no time). Put on top of that I started back to school in my MFA program (2 classes dear God, what was I thinking?) for a grand total of 6 assignments due this week. Yesssssssssssssssssss. But I wanted to be busy right?? Careful what you wish for.

I have to share a strange story with you all, as well.

Miss Thing has a friend K. K's father is friends with DH. They have a lot in common and tolerate us wives and he calls my husband often. So much so, at times I may or may not have referred to him as DH's girlfriend. The wife and I get along OK, but she's a bit MUCH to take and we have witnessed some CRAZY behavior over the years on her part. I think I may have posted about the time we had gone over there for a picnic, only to have the two of them fight and bicker THE ENTIRE TIME.

Anyway, she is nice enough and Hey - we all get our crazy on at times, so... no big. This summer, she has called a few times to invite Miss Thing to go places with K. They have gone over to their house for a playdate, come here for a swim, etc. The other day she calls and invites Miss Thing to go with K to go see The American Girl Movie. BUT. There is a whisper in her tone....

"Is Miss Thing going to want popcorn?" I hesitate for a second, unsure how to answer that, cuz doesn't EVERYONE in the WORLD want movie theater popcorn??

"Probably. Is that a problem? I mean, I'll send money for her to buy her own snacks" (thinking this is the problem)

"Ok. No... I mean... that's fine, I'll just have to speak to K."

"Ok, I'm lost."

"Well K has put on some weight and I need to limit her, so, I wasn't going to let her buy any snacks. It's not a problem, I'll speak to her and Miss Thing can get whatever she wants."

(What the gray fuck?? FIRST, the girl?? Not overweight... developing and perhaps a little thicker round the middle. SECOND - mother used to be fat as a kid and has MAJOR anxiety kid will be made fun as she was. HER problem - not the kids problem. THIRD - how is it even OK to think K will be OK with Miss Thing sitting next to her slamming down mass quantities of popcorn? CRAZY FUCKING LOON!!)

I proceed to suggest that take microwave 94% fat free popcorn from home, I will send it actually since I have it RIGHT HERE. And Miss Thing can get a water - no big really. (NOT that I do that to my kids because really movies are few and far between and when we go - we enjoy the whole experience. Cuz really, I know FIRST HAND that it is not about total denial of things, it is moderation.)

Mother says no... skirts around issue, decides girls should get Twizzlers as there is less fat. Ok, whatever, I'll tell Miss Thing.

I hand Miss Thing $10, tell her to eat healthy, purchase a water and Twizzlers as she doesn't want her friend to feel bad. She looks at me funny, but I explain no more. She isn't dumb and tells me that her POOR friend got yelled at for eating ALL OF THE SNACKS they made in Summer Camp by said mother. WHAT? The kids get ONE snack each day - not ALL THOSE SNACKS. Good Grief.

Next day, Miss Thing arrives home with her friend K and the $10 still in hand. I question the mother, she sweetly smiles and says it was her treat. Ok. Thanks a bunch. Walk in the house to a FACE on Miss Thing.


"Ya wanna know what I had for a snack? AT THE MOVIE THEATER??"

Uh Oh. I really am surprised because I thought we had this hammered out the day before on the phone.

"8 Swedish fish."

"WHAT?? 8?? How do you know that?"

"And NO drink."


"Yeah, K's mother said all 3 of us (I slap my forehead at this point because I forgot K's sister was going too) had to share a candy and they picked Swedish Fish. I got 8. EIGHT. I ate them before the previews. It was a 2 hour movie and nothing."

I am kinda laughing out of sheer surprise and her total pissed-off-ness. "You mean to tell me - all 3 of you got 8 Swedish fish for a snack?"

"Well they got 7.5 because there was only 23 fish. And NO drink" she quickly shouts.

Now I really am laughing visualizing her face eating those dry ass fish. And the fact that they actually sat there splitting Swedish fish, for the love of god.

"Why didn't you buy your own, I gave you money?"

"SHE wouldn't LET me."

"Ohhhhhhhhh." Now, I got it, she needed to control the situation fully.

Now, let me state for the record that I am ALL for parents doing what they feel is right especially for the health of their children. BUT. Does this Mom realize that by humiliating the kid in front of her peers (twice if you include the yelling about snacks) that you are pushing the kid to sneak food. Not to mention what you are doing to her self-esteem, body image and their relationship. I just didn't feel a friend for a movie was the time and place to be so stringent, especially when there are perfectly good options to bring from home (99% Fat Free microwave popcorn, water and fruit go into my Movie Theater purse).

Am I weird?? Would you do this to your kid? Your tween daughter??


At 9:18 AM, Blogger LadyBugCrossing said...

Wouldn't it have been better if the mom bought a large popcorn and 3 waters?? OMG! The woman is a nut!!!!

I take it Miss Thing won't be going to the movies with them again.


At 10:14 AM, Blogger Sharpie said...

LBC - Yes. Yes, it would have. I seriously do not understand people sometimes.

At 10:25 AM, Blogger Lana said...


At 11:32 AM, Blogger Laura said...

Everything in moderation is what I think too. And, since most families aren't going to the show every day she should have let the poor girls have popcorn. Oh my goodness. I am sometimes rendered speechless by people. I feel for that little girl... and I hope for her too.

At 12:09 PM, Anonymous sherry said...

Knowing what we know now, in 2008, I'm still shocked at the Mom's behavior. Although I don't know her well, she's an relatively educated woman, no? I suppose this sort of thing surpasses education and like a runaway train barrels right to control.

It's nice to know Miss Thing seems to have a good grasp on reality, though. And, let's hear it for a slow economy, but serious, rapid and MAJOR weight loss! Hello, silver lining!!!!

At 8:05 AM, Blogger ThatDeborahGirl said...

I am overweight now and it's for several reasons, all of which I'm working through to with the help of counseling and a food diary now.

First, when I was young, I had parents who insisted that I eat everything on my plate. Mind you, I didn't fix my own plate, they did. So they would hand me too much food to begin with and insist that I sit at the table until I ate it all so I wouldn't be wasteful.

People who do this are just setting their kids up to be fat, if not when they're young when they get more exercise, then definitely when they're older. To this day (I'm 37) I still have trouble recognizing when I'm full and have had enough to eat.

In the 90's and in my 20's I met great guy who is tall and a big man. When we'd eat together he'd fix himself humongous plates and look at my smaller plate and say, "Is that all you're eating" or "I like a woman with a healthy appetite, come on, have some more."

Before I knew it, I was eating trying to keep up with HIM instead of eating enough for me. And the extra food felt good. Why not. He obviously didn't care and I could eat until I popped.

Lastly, I developed fibroids. I was already some heavier due to the other eating issues and overweight women have a greater chance of developing fibroids than thinner women and I did.

And those fibroids helped me pack on pounds. Last december, I weighted 305 pounds.

And I couldn't take it anymore.

This past February, I had a UFE to reduce the fibroids. Before that, I'd already started walking just 20 minutes a day - no man, no kid, no dog, just me. That's important. And lastly, I cut back on food. I get a regular portion and WAIT 30 minutes before I eat anything.

I'm down to 225 pounds and while that may sound like a lot of weight to still have on, it feels a lot better than 305. I must look thinner because someone at church started a rumor that I probably had gastric bypass instead of UFE. (Gotta love those church folks.)

I have a 16 year old and from the time she was a kid, she has never been forced to eat more than she wants. If she said she was full, she was free to leave the table.

She knows when she's full now. If she wants more, she gets more but she doesn't gorge herself unnecessarily. I don't censor her snacks. The end result is that her dad and I eat more twinkies than she does. She has the occasional sweet tooth but she doesn't see the need to eat something just because it's there. She knows we can buy or bake more.

And I NEVER discuss her body or mine or food intake or any such thing in front of other people. These are discussions to have in private at home.

That lady is setting her daughter up for failure. You're right, she's going to start sneaking food and gorging if her mom doesn't stop. Worse, censoring her child's food intake in front of others is humiliating, but if she's spreading her control issues to other children then she has the problem, not her daughter.

I'd talk to her about it. It's not going to be pretty and you're going to to have to think about what you're going to say first and be exceedingly tactful - you may not even get anywhere with her - but you should bring it up.

She needs to know that her view of "normal" is not "normal".

At 10:45 PM, Blogger MJ said...

OH. MY. Crazy doesn't even *begin* to cover it!

I had friends whose moms were like that when I was younger, and I never could understand it. I feel for that poor girl, too.


At 10:35 AM, Blogger Melzie said...

That's ridiculous. Movie's are meant to eat popcorn. I can see about no soda, but get teh popcorn, share it all, and consider it "lunch" or something.



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