July 24, 2008

How To Have A Peaceful Summer Day

Sounds a bit too good to be true what with kids that bicker, fight and generally annoy each other on a minute by minute basis, right?

I may have found the solution...

Yesterday while running errands, their LEAST favorite thing to do, we ran to the bank to make a deposit. I parked in front of the bank between two other black SUVs, making mine the third. Literally run into the bank as it was pouring cats (only), make deposit, get 2 free lollipops, jet back out the door. My kids are used to my fast pace and usually get in the duck row and follow along. But, as they are getting older, their need to do their own thing emerges and they make decisions based on their own gut instincts.

As I open the driver side (after hitting the clicker to unlock all doors), I look back (as I always do) to see that my kids have not entered the car... What? I step forward and realize that they are standing at either side of the NEXT BLACK SUV over from mine, waiting for the doors to unlock. Laughing... I say.... "Uhhhh kids, are you going home with someone else??" Embarrassed and laughing, they scramble into my SUV. Let me first say, we were in a VERY safe place and I was never worried for their safety.

"WHAT were you doing?" I ask, because really, the car they were standing at was a BMW and I have a Chevy Envoy Denali, for Pete's Sake - Not even close!

Lil Man says quickly, "I was just following Miss Thing. She went that way and I just followed."

I knew it was her, Miss "Spread Her Wings, Do It Her Way" Thing. "Why didn't you just follow me?"

Miss Thing is laughing so hard, I begin to laugh. She squeaks out, "I don't... I just don't know!"

I am laughing and then begin to envision other scenarios, like if the woman had been sitting in her car with the doors unlocked and they jumped in. Or if they set off the car alarm. And then I really start to laugh. I give them each of the scenarios and they are hysterical at the thought of each.

I am nearly crying when I say, "I can't believe you two did something so dumbass. Wait until I tell your father, he is going to HOWL" And he would. And he would call them dumbasses too.

In unison they yell, "NO! Please don't tell him! He will make fun of us SO bad!"

Wait a minute... this is leverage... OK, think...think....

"Ok, I won't tell your father what dumbasses you were if you get along for the rest of the day, no fighting, bickering, not A WORD."

Again in unison, "Done."

And it was so. For the rest of the day into the night, not a peep. So, what you need to have a peaceful summer day in your house.... blackmail. God, I love summer......


At 10:18 AM, Anonymous sherry said...

Oh, how I can't wait until my kids learn such words like "leverage" and "bribery" and "blackmail" and "dumbasssery".

Miss you.

At 4:58 PM, Anonymous Molly said...

Too funny. My girls did that once in the school parking lot. We drove the same van for 143 years -- a white Grand Voyager, and there was another mom who had the exact same model as we did. Right down to the interior, etc. Anyway, one day, my girls walked up and hopped in. The other mom was sitting in the front seat, and she burst out laughing and goes, "Uh, girls, I think we're headed to 2 different houses." My kids hadn't even noticed yet! Good thing it wasn't a member of the Muffia!

At 10:44 PM, Blogger Louise said...

My grandmother did that while on holidays recently with my parents- got into the back of a blue SUV instead of their silver one just because it also happened to be pulling a caravan. Needless to say, the couple in the front seats were quite amused.


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