One Penny, 2 Dimes and a Black Eye

I think I may or may not have told you that DH is 100% Italian. Born and bred in Italy. See, why I married him - he is gorgeous....

Ahem, but I digress. One of the many stereotypes about Italians is that they horde their money. THEY DO. Horde, maybe is the wrong word - but guard-away-in-a-safe-place-not-necessarily-a-bank-because-they-trust-no-one-with-their-money-is. And apparently, it's genetic. As, you may remember, Miss Thing had her 1st Communion where she received enough money to buy a freaking car - so this was put away until I could get to the bank WITH them in-tow, as they have the same mistrust for the banking establishment as their father. I wanted to PROVE to them they were in good hands.

As a thank you gift, Miss Thing's teacher had given them a 50 States Quarters holder and we set about the house seeing if we had any. I had, pushed out of my head, the fact that we had a HUGE jar of coins in my bedroom closet. TOO heavy to even lift. Between the cars, that jar and various other places - we found all but 2 that were out. TOO BE CLEAR - that's like $9.00 in quarters with all the DIFFERENT states!! THAT'S how much change we had in the house!! While looking for the 25¢ pieces in my sons Piggy Bank - I discovered he had squirreled away $250.00 bucks in THAT bank!! I decided tomorrow we would head off to the bank and bring this change with us. Whatever the amount - the kids could split. I figured, for a fun learning lesson, we'll roll the coins. So the kids and I separated and rolled coins for hours. 3 hours. By my count, we had around $215.00 worth of change.

Off to the bank the following morning. NO ONE else in bank. Whoo-hoo - must be my lucky day. I write out deposit tickets for kids accounts and head over to tellers, with heaviest box of rolled coins in the world.

Blonde Teller "Ohhhhhhh sorry - we don't accept rolled coins here." Much shifting under desk. Comes up with a tupperware bowl, hands it to me and instructs me to walk to the end where I can UNROLL ALL THE FUCKING COINS AND EMPTY INTO THE BOWL.

Me "Are you kidding?"

Male Teller (most assurdely he's gay - I'll name him Casey since I didn't have the good sense to look at his name tag) "I'll help you." Trots over.

I am mostly grumbling to myself, as I find this a HUGE waste of time - and there are FOUR FUCKING tellers doing NOTHING - WHY THE FUCK AM I unrolling these coins. BUT, I am trying to teach the kids - bank is goooooddddddd. So I am biting the inside of my cheek and say nothing.

Casey - Trying to be SO nice, whispers in conspiratory tones - "Sorry about this." Louder, "Are you on your way to the beach?"

Me - "Ah, nooooo." Weird question - I'm not in my tankini or anything.

Casey or maybe its Brody or Brandon - why the fuck didn't I look - "Oh cuz you're SO tan."

(Let me take a moment here to tell you all that I am USUALLY the whitest person ON EARTH!! Transparent - Toe-tag white by ALL accounts. BUT, thanks to modern technology and my handsome man up there, I can rub on a pretty excellent fake tan.) None of which, I tell Noah, do you think it was Noah??

ANYWAY. All coin unrolled - hand it to teller along with previous deposit tickets. I figured, stupid, stupid ME, that they would do THAT while the change was counting and THEN deposit the additional amount from the change. Ah no. I had to wait until it was all counted - then re-do slips with the money in the deposit.

Back to Blonde Teller - she counts money I handed to her - but OBVIOUSLY since she was the one who took the coins - KNOWS that money (the coins) will not be there right, right? Wrong. She sat there stumped!!! Had to call someone OVER!! AND, I really fucked them over because the amount was $214.32 and I decided to make it EASIER - I would split it $107.00 and $107.32 - not split the change. While the manager and brainiac Blonde Teller try to do the higher math - I heard my new friend Bryce talking through the drive-thru microphone.

Bryce - "uuuummmmmm, are you like Kymberly's husband?????"

Voice from microphone, BOOMING, large man by my guess - "No you freaking idoit, I AM Kymberly. It's MY name." some grumbling from outside.

I am near hysterics as my new friend turns to me and says, "Have you ever? Psss. What-ev-er."
I think Brandon should watch his back leaving the bank - as I am certain Kym was gonna give him five smackers right in the eye.

It took me 45 minutes to deposit money into my kids accounts. 45 fucking minutes!! Nearly an hour! And I didn't even wait in a line. (thanks God) I think my family has decided to hide their money in a better spot so I won't force them to go to the bank again. Dh says that's what I get for trying to force the kids to part with their money. Ugghh.

And on another Italian note. My husband is a huge fan of the World Cup, particularly of the Italian team. I pretend to watch it with interest - but just so I could see this guy - Gennaro Guttuso. But, don't tell him - he thinks I enjoy sitting with him learning about the game. ;-)