January 28, 2008

Would You Take It As A Compliment?

Hubby hired a contractor to install crown molding in all the rooms on the main floor. He has done work for us in the past (finishing our basement and the new tile floor in the kitchen) and is a very nice guy - straight shooter - curses like a sailor. So, yes he's alright in my book.

Since they have invaded my house for the week, I am forced to go into the basement for my torture session with the treadmill and elliptical machine. After my 45 minutes of hell, I slinked upstairs hoping to go unnoticed. No such luck, as Dan was on the stairs and stood between me and shower, which I desperately needed.

Obviously noting my red face and the winded nature in which I was hauling myself up the stairs, he decides to start up a conversation after I was half way up the stairs.

Dan: "So, are ya busy with work lately or no?"
(He obviously is figuring if I have time to workout - I do not have any work...

Me: "Yeah, busy - just trying to diet and workout. Just tired of being fat is all."
(I say the last of this as I hit the top stair - far away from him, thus ending the conversation.)

He yells up the stairs..."Well, I wouldn't say that - I would say you are more BIG BONED like your father. Cuz, ya know...your dad is a BIG guy."

Yep. Big Boned. I now have a proper diagnosis.

January 26, 2008

Weigh In - Week 3

Here's the official weigh-in Weight Loss for Week 3....

2.5 lbs.

Official weight loss total is 13 lbs so far.

Only 47 more to go.

I also worked out 6 days this week which I think is also helping. If I can hit 15 lbs for the month, I can be at my goal weight in 4 months. Holy Crap!

January 24, 2008

The Yin To My Yang

*standing at the kitchen sink, preparing dinner - actually preparing is an exaggeration as I was technically reheating left-overs and preparing a salad.*

Hubby: "Hey. You look skinnier."

Me: "Oh, yeah?"

Hubby: "Yeah. Your ass and thighs - totally skinnier!"

*He knows this is my problem area - so I giddy* Me: "Really, ya think so?"

Hubby: "Yes."

Hubby: "And.... Your boobs are smaller."

Me: "Wait.....are you just saying that to get me to have sex with you?"

Hubby: *snorts* "I don't need to sweet talk you - you're easy."

We are both laughing - mainly because it's true - but laughing none-the-less.

January 22, 2008

How I May Lose My Mind This Week

This week I have the following:

The kids home yesterday and TWO half days (Wednesday and Thursday)

Work. LOTS of work.

8 (EIGHT) grad school assignments due, including an interview with another professional Graphic Designer. My favorite assignment is the creation of a Self-Portrait in Cubism from paper. Picasso, I am not.

A mandatory faculty meeting Wednesday night.

A mandatory Meet and Greet with my biggest client in a social setting - one that will have food and drink - none of which I can touch. And when I am nervous - I do both.

An oil change appointment.

Continue to find time for the 30 minutes of cardio I have been squeezing in since last Friday.

January 20, 2008

Weigh In - Week 2

Here's the official weigh-in Weight Loss for Week 2....

3.5 lbs.

Official weight loss total is 10.5 lbs so far.

Only 49.5 more to go.

January 17, 2008

Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?

Although my daughter is a mere 4th grader, I certainly find myself floundering at times when she asks me to help her with her daily 25 pages of homework. I either forgot all about the stuff I learned in elementary school or lost those brain cells somehow. (Yes, somehow - as in - I admit to nothing.)

For Christmas, her Auntie Sherry gave her the DS game, Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? She loved it and it soon became our entire family huddled around the 2x2 screen listening to the "You Know You're A Redneck" voice asking questions that made my brain smolder. We were playing and learning and damn it, it was fun.

The game is addictive. And in most cases, you chose an answer that is wrong, thus inciting the host to berate you on your inadequacies. My kind of game.

I decided to take it on as a personal challenge. And so, while sitting at the kitchen table on Sunday morning, I began to play. And I was kicking ass. My phone rang and I ignored it. Miss Thing picked it up and began chatting with my Mother while I played. I was getting higher and higher and totally entranced in the game.

I finally made it to the MILLION DOLLAR question.... And the Subject was ART! BINGO!

I answered the question and began my peacock prancing yelling things like "WEE-WHO! And YEAH BABY!"

I hear my daughter explain to my mother that I was IN FACT smarter than a fifth grader! She listens to my mother's reply and then repeats it for me.

"Grandma says that you BETTER be smarter than a fifth grader after all of the money she spent on your college."

Damn that woman for being so quick-witted and funny.

January 16, 2008

Securing My Ballot Spot For Mother Of The Year 2008

I know it's early on, but I thought I might toss my hat into the ring with this one....

Picture the scene....
Lil Man in his bed last night listening to music...nestling down for a blissful sleep. My little angel. I am down the hall folding laundry on our bed, the door open, smiling to myself at the instant quiet that has come over the house as bedtime befalls us.

"Mom!!!! Come here!!!!!"

*I have fallen for the stalling techniques of my children and am not easily persuaded* "What?!"

"Come here - ya got to HEAR this, UNHOLY is on." Proceeds to sing along....

I will be starting my acceptance speech...

In case you are unfamiliar with said song

January 14, 2008


Being an artist, I need a visually motivational tool to keep myself steadfast on my weight loss journey and not succumb to the yummy things the rest of my family is eating.

So I bought this.

I bought it in a MEDIUM. And I am gonna wear it by July. In my OWN pool.

Then, I'll be wearing this over it.

But, I am gonna wear it.

January 13, 2008

Crazy Defined

Because I know you may not have an EXACT way to describe crazy, let alone the DEGREE of Crazy, I give you the definition straight from the mouth of my soon to be 10 year old, Miss Thing...

In an attempt to explain to me why a classmate was behaving in a particularly puzzling way, she offered me this.

"Ya know how this is a Regular Person's Crazy Circle?" *she is making small imaginary circles with her pointer finger around her right ear*

"This is her Crazy Circle." *large imaginary circles around her entire head*

You're welcome.

Weigh In - Week 1

Here's the official weigh-in Weight Loss (because, if you bitches ACTUALLY think I am posting my WEIGHT on the net - you is crazy)...drumroll please...

7 lbs.

Yes, I have officially lost 7 lbs in week one.

Only 53 more to go.

January 11, 2008

Crazy Days

I could tell you that I haven't posted because I really like seeing Kid's picture there when I come to NWMOTY, and that would be half true. The other half is much worse. Can you imagine that?

Both kids have been ridiculously under the weather with a horrible stomach bug. It has left the following in no particular order: splatter, inside my cabinets, inside my tampon box, in my HAIR BRUSH - (which really is the worst, because I did not discover it until AFTER I had blown dry my hair ALL THE WHILE thinking to myself HOW could it POSSIBLY still smell like puke in here I have scoured every inch. Apparently not.), much laundry, much cleaning and much lying on the bed, couch, floor. Everyone is better - Thank God. They are back at school and we are moving on.

I also started up my Grad. School classes again. See, I said CLASSES. Not class, like I swore I would ONLY do forever more, Amen. I need to be DONE - so I am taking two. Guess when they started? Guess? Monday. Right smack dab in the middle of Pukey Town. Not just the kids have been blowing chunks. I have been playing catch up to the 4 projects for each class due this week. They are ALL writing assignments and we all know - my writing she sucks vomit hair brushes, so it is a difficult process.

I actually don't hand in projects that sound like my dribble here, thank you tiny baby Jesus.

But, it is Friday and I am down to one last 3-5 page essay on Persuasion in Advertising. No problem.

Hope everyone is well and good and without puke in your tampons. Peace.

January 07, 2008

Roll On Rollercoaster

I know that I have mentioned about a hundred times that I am a HUGE Kid Rock fan. His music MOVES me in a way other bands rarely do. His music is heartfelt, if not raw emotion, and I totally dig it. And he looks like this....

And this...

And who doesn't love a cowboy, am I right?

Friday night, we headed up to the casino to see him in person. At $40.00 a ticket, it was a bargain for the show we were about to see. His music was tight and right on. His singing was top notch. His ability to move the crowd in so many ways was superb. He mixed his show with the old classics and the newest album Rock and Roll Jesus, which I highly recommend. There were no pyrotechnics, no bells and whistles, just a newly heartbroken rocker with a mismatched band that brought the house down. I left there horse from all the singing and Woo-Hooing.

I even got to hang out with my sister for a little while as she put on her face and came out to meet us at 10:30 at night!!

Roll On, Roll On Rollercoaster, Your one Day Older and One step Closer....

January 04, 2008


Or, how to know when your fat ass needs to go on Nutri*System....

1. Your fattest FAT jeans are too tight.

2. Have your kids take a close up picture of your double chin while you are holding the cat.

3. Have the kids take the same picture panned out.

4. You fight hard NOT to throw the camera to the ground and begrudgingly keep the pictures for motivation.

5. You only have sex in the dark with all the lights out including the night light.

6. You have given up certain "positions" because of the angle that might be "presented" to your significant other.

7. You try to only lie flat in the bed, it's your best angle.

8. The shirts you LOVED to wear now look wrinkled from all of the extra rolls on your back.

9. You gave up drinking all that water for coffee and Diet Soda.

10. The exercise equipment in the basement hasn't seen you in months.

11. You know what your husband weighs, but he has NO CLUE what you weigh.

12. You never tell anyone how much you weigh.

13. Or you are the heaviest you have ever weighed NOT being pregnant, though dangerously CLOSE to the weight you were when pregnant.

14. When you buy a chair for your son's new desk, you out loud comment that it looks so small that your ass may not fit in.

15. Your husband sits in the chair, notes that it is snug on his non-overweight ass and agrees.

16. Kitchen chairs with arms and movie theater chairs give you anxiety.

17. Hubby, nor Lil Man realize that when they ask you to lie on the couch with them, its not because you don't want to, it's because you won't fit.

18. When you have to stand in front of a class full of college kids, who have no money to eat, you look like you could eat them. Or have eaten them.

19. You are very unhappy with your appearance on a daily basis.

20. You are tired of being sick and tired and buy Nutri*System.

I no longer want to be sad, or depressed or self-loathing. I start the program today and have my mind in the right place for this adventure. I have a goal of 60 lbs in 8 months, if not more. But, I'm sticking to the 60. Anyone want to join me?

January 02, 2008

Happy New Year and All That Happy Horse Shit

Hope you all had a wonderful holiday season. We certainly did! Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were spent with both sides of the family, where much food and drink was had by me (and others), though I think I drank more than most on the Eve of Our Saviors Birth. This has become a bit of a tradition for my SIL and I. We start with my FIL's homemade wine and then she mixes up healthy doses of Grey Goose and cranberry and she and I drink the entire pitcher. Sometimes two. Most times two pitchers. I'm not really sure why we both seem to need it so much, but it really takes the edge off. The holidays can be SO stressful.

Christmas Day with my family brought more Grey Goose (is this a pattern?) and much fun times with my sister and her brood. Everyone ate and drank and happily opened some wonderful presents!

We made it through another year of Santa in our home. Yes, no one doubted for a minute. I LOVE that. I hope I can get another year, but alas, it probably will not be the case. Miss Thing will turn 10 in 5 weeks. 10. Double digits. I look at her and can't believe what a beautiful, articulate, lovely human being she has become. 10 doesn't make me feel old, it makes me anticipate the future - high school, college, etc.

Lil Man received a drum set from Santa and loves it more than his little heart can stand. He looks just like his daddy and when I see him look up at him with his big brown eyes so adoringly, I can't help but smile. DH is home today on his last day of vacation and Lil Man hugged him so hard before he ran off to catch the school bus. He loves his daddy so.

New Year's Eve was spent with a few local families and it was tame and quiet and nice. The kids all played together well and so did the adults. I did not drink myself, as I have battled a cold since right after Christmas and was just feeling better that day. It always feels a bit sad to see another year go by, doesn't it?

I resolved myself to better health this year. I start Nutri*System as soon as my food arrives. I ordered it before the holiday and am sure I was one order of MANY for the new year. I am tired of feeling bad about myself. I am tired of hiding from the mirror, my husband, the scale and myself. I need it to be different - at whatever cost. 2008 is bringing a skinnier me, damn it.

My goal is to lose 60 lbs. I resolve to be lighter, healthier and happier. So, there is my resolution. What's yours?