November 30, 2006

Oh The Whorror.....

Now I've told you BEFORE that I am a HUGE Kid Rock fan. And I have been known to justify some really offensive behavior/lyrics - but the latest news has even me scratching my head.

Pam Anderson & Kid Rock are divorcing. THAT is NOT newsworthy OR shocking - actually there was a Divorce Pool - Ya know it ain't gonna last when they got a Divorce Pool out on you. BUT, it's the REASON they are splitting that has me puzzled.

According to reports, Kid Rock sat through the screening of BORAT (that's grounds for divorce in and of itself), which Pamela plays a slutty character in, and went off the deep end. Called her a SLUT and a WHORE. Said she embarrassed herself, degraded herself - that HE. COULD. NOT. BELIEVE. SHE. DID. IT.

Uh.Hello. Is this thing on?

Have you MET each other?
Pam this is Kid. Kid this is Pam.

Couldn't believe it, huh? Cuz she FOOLED you so much with her acting abilities in say BAYWATCH, or VIP or BARBWIRE or STACKED???? EVERY character she plays is a tramp with HUGE boobs, is this really a surprise?? She has become who she IS from her sex escapades.

AND have you SEEN the sex tape? YOU BOTH HAVE SEX TAPES for Pete's sake.

And not for nothing, I stand by the fact that KID must have balls to go out with her even after seeing her and Tommy on that tape - another man might feel he didn't.....uh, measure up.

So, less than 4 months and they call it quits. I've worn cheap shoes that gave me blisters for longer.
Crazy kids.

November 28, 2006

Christmas Pictures 2006

These were taken while waiting for the amazing number of white trash families to finish up their debauchery in for their annual Christmas Poses at a local mall picture place. WHY would you take a family photo, albeit it a Christmas photo, in ripped jeans and sweatshirts? Just me?? And here's a tip - bring a fucking comb! Even the disgusting photo-whore complete with LARGE tattoo across her NECK looked at them wearily. I'm not saying don't be yourself - but, clean up a little.

You would never know from this picture that Lil Man has a double ear infection that ruptured one ear drum and a frame rattling cough and that Miss Thing had pink eye, ear infection and a two-pack a day hacking cough, would you?

Outfits courtesy of American Girl Store and the WORST STORE ON EARTH Burlington C.F.

(Can cross off one thing off list - Christmas cards ordered and will be here on Dec. 8th.)

November 27, 2006


You all know my awesome sister Sherry.

And if I haven't said it enough already - She ROCKS.

I mean she is the CAT'S ASS - and that's a GOOD thing.

In all my sickness - and the family germs - she called bright and chipper (as she ALWAYS does) to ask if I had perused the Sunday sale ads and in particular Target. I had. I knew of which she referred to. There in the middle of the sale ad was a Christmas gift worthy of many I OWE YOUs (yes THAT kind). There sat a SIGNED Paul Stanley Guitar (KISS), complete with authenticity papers.

Why was I not out and already beating off the other long-haired freaks? I could not drag my sick ass even into the shower my dears.

And my SISTER?????? She offered up a most spectacular offer - to go there herself RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT to go and acquire said awesome guitar. Without hesitation - without a smear of lipgloss - she was out the door and blazing down the street to her local Target.

She called not ten minutes later with guitar in hand and beating off the crowds to the check-out.

My sister is the most awesome person I know. She is kind, loving, funny, super-ridiculous smart, beautiful, thoughtful, energetic and has on more than one occasion given me the shirt off her back (of coat, whatever). I love her more than words can express. She is always doing something nice for me or my little brood and always with a smile on her face. I could not be more blessed to have her on my side.

I love you Sherry.

Thank you for all you do.

(Now, stop crying and shit - you'll ruin your make-up. This is the proper thank-you that I should have given on Sunday.)

November 22, 2006

OK - I'm OVER the whole Hate thing......

And I'm moving on to thankful.

With Thanksgiving riding up my ass like a cheap pair of undies,
I give you my List of What I am Thankful For:

1. My health - I'm not talking about the annoying cough I have - I mean that I am HERE and healthy and HERE.

2. My husband - though he makes me crazy some times - he always makes me feel loved, wanted, needed and special - even if he IS laughing at me as I fall down the stairs. Bastard.

3. My kids - God, they are my everything. They are who I want to be when I grow up. They are smart, warm, loving creatures with endless amounts of wisdom and truth.

4. My Sister - She makes me laugh Every DAY. And THAT is something to be thankful for. She always there for me - no matter what - she's on my side.

5. The Rest of My Nutbag Family - Crazy as they are - they mean well. And they know how to LAUGH. Mainly at others - but laugh, none the less.

6. The end of the semester - YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. For teaching and my classes - come on baby - just a few more weeks.

7. My jobs - I know I bitch - but I love what I do - how I do it. I am so blessed - I could not ask for more.

I am also thankful to all of my internet friends - with whom I share things and they in return. Who I feel genuinely care about me and I about them.

Happy Thanksgiving All!!

November 14, 2006

Sick and Tired

And I hate everyone.

There. That's it - all I have to say.

November 09, 2006

Oy Veh!

So.... the Bat Mitzvah - What the freaking hell???

Why is is that NONE of you told me the unbelievable event I was going to? I mean, I have been to some AMAZING Italian weddings - where there are more GUCCI dresses than in Paris Hilton's closet, bling galore and chandeliers as well as life-size statues of David.

And that was MY wedding.

Hell, we even had a Venetian table (dessert table) 20 feet long that had our last name spelled out in chocolate liquore cups and THAT has 10 letters - many vowels - whatever. And there may or may not have been smoke from dried ice when it was unveiled.

But THIS party - was a Par-taay!!

As I have already told you, they rented an entire Aquarium for the venue. A museum, people. THE WHOLE THING.

Upon first arriving, you were greeted by white-glove clad hostesses directing you the ceremony upstairs, where I found three baskets. Basket#1 had color-coordinated beanies (teal to match the occasion - it was a fish/mermaid thing - since it was at the Aquarium) - PASS. Basket#2 had 8-page brochures to explain the ceremony - YES, please. And Basket#3 had satchels of spices - again, I passed not knowing what these are for.

Sit WAAAAAAY in the back so as not to embarrass myself not having any idea if it was like Catholic church what with the sitting, standing, kneeling, I figured we could just follow along. Take note of all the beanies - I believe we were one of perhaps four couples with the men sans skull cap. Listen to a very eloquent speech by the honoree of said party - note to myself that I am shocked a 12 year old girl has that in her. Readings from torah. THEN. There was a part when they hucked HARD CANDIES at the girl. Like Jolly Ranchers. What the FUCK is THAT?! This was not in the brochure.

Ceremony ends - Mazel Tov - and we are told to make our way downstairs to the appetizers. Pass by the life-size cutout of honoree atop rock with mermaid tail - as was the cover of the invitation. Father is the artist. Amazing detail. Life-size print-out must have cost $500 at least. And it has little white lights framed around it. As you viewed the many aquatic displays - they had table upon table of yummy things to nosh on. A large sushi display in front of the shark tank. Etc. If this wasn't enough excitement for you - you could move into the Otter room where they had set up The Kid's Room.

The Kid's Room had the following...

• Appetizers of their very own - children appropriate, INCLUDING a real-live soft pretzel machine rotating in the center of the table.

• A caricature artist set up to take requests from any and all

• A Photo Booth to take pics of the kids and either frame, make magnets or keychains out of them

• 3 Shiny-Shirt clad young women who were walking around passing out blinkie buttons, necklaces and rings as well as the day-glo jewelry and generally hyping up the kids

Now, listen - I am not kvetching here - but I was in waaaaay over my head. I was dressed appropriately - but DAMN. These people had every detail. And speaking of dressing. ALL of the women at the party had their "girls" on display like the sushi. Holy Crap - I haven't seen that many tits at once since we cancelled Pay TV.

Next we moved on to the dinner area - outside of the Seal exhibit - place cards were held by silver diving dolphins - yes they were. No plain-ole folded paper here. Nah.

Find our name. Find our table under the sign that says Goyas Only - just kidding, I kid the Jews. But it was the Goya table - funny all the men were making sure their crosses were tucking in. LOL. More than once I thought Goya-Oh-Boyah. Is that wrong? In the middle of dinner. Center pieces carried out the fish theme with a huge hurricane glass with candle atop many layers of sand and blue glass as well as shells. This was all on top of fish netting with shells tossed about to tie up the look. Choice of three entrees - capon, sirloin or sea bass. Butternut squash soup served in a bread bowl first.

But dinner. Not served until 10:30 at night.
I am usually in bed asleep by that time - but whatever.

After and during dinner DJ and 3 shiny shirt-clad girls - now convert to the Fly-Girls and begin getting the crowd going - dancing. Me? Not the dancer. Unless I'm drunk - then I am SO the dancer. This night - ah no.

DJ gives out endless amounts of hats, boas, sunglasses and other accessories. There were those inflatable nylon decorations with the air compressors making them sway. IT WAS CRAZY.

There was also the Photo Montage that was sent to a film editing/commercial company to create this 10 minute documentary - filled with live cartoons of the daughter etc. Slow motion action shots and all. AMAZING.

After dinner, a dessert plate with 3 different desserts PLUS another plate with cake and coffee followed by a plate of cookies and chocolate dipped strawberries.

It was fun - over the top. I estimate at least 200 people there plus 65 kids. I'm guessing when all was said and one it cost no less than $30,000.

After we had snuck into the photo booth for our fridge magnet - we left - crossing ourselves, glad that we were Catholic.

November 06, 2006

Newest Member of the Household

And the only NICE pet we own - Internet, meet Little A (who was named after the heart-of-chrome father who softened long enough for us to jump in the car and bring this little guy home.) DH is a non-pet lover. He dislikes all animals equally. Lil Man has been petless since the Hermit Crab died, remember? And he told me the whole way home how much he loved him.

Little A is a 2 month old Guinea Pig - which, of course we told him was an Italian Pig, but he didn't get it. You can only say that to your kids IF you are Italian - so we're good.

But look how happy Lil Man is???

I will post later about the Bat Mitzpah.

November 04, 2006

Today is The Bat Mitzpah

Remember when I talked about
it like a year ago?

Well, its tonight.

And we are giving cash.
I know there was much debate,
but green is everyone's color.

I am wearing this...........

And the new Swarovski necklace
I bought last night - shhhhhhhhh
don't tell my husband.

And I already had these fabulous shoes.........

So, you think I'm getting lucky tonight????

November 02, 2006

Thank You, Jesus

For getting Monique kicked off Dancing with the Stars because every time I looked at her, I wanted to punch her in the face.

Yeah I said it - High School Musical - Smoosical. She begged for a face punching. And her partner too.

OK, I guess I am coming out of closet to admit I watch Dancing with The Stars. Religiously. Ok, to be truthful I have it TiVo'd, for christ sake.

I know that I could throw some spotlight off myself and tell you that the only reason I even watch the show is because my husband is addicted to it and has watched faithfully for the last 3 seasons.

You know how I know you're gay?
You watch Dancing with The Stars without a gun to your head.

So, anyway. Like a train-wreck I just can't turn away.

If you have nothing to do next Tuesday night - check it out - they are down to the final three.

Emmitt Smith, Joey Lawrence (WHOA) and Mario Lopez.

Can anyone tell me what the relationship is from Mario to George Lopez, the comdeian?

Bottom line - I am rooting for Joey.

November 01, 2006

Wow, I Super Suck

*Edited with pictures*

As opposed to just regular suck.
And not in a good way. Sherry I'm looking your way. (wink)

So, the last time I posted was on October 19th. It seems my daily posting has gone the way of my New Year's Resolution to work-out every day. I was a house of fire for a few months - now I can't even find my way to the basement to dust off the machines.

What's with that you ask???

I have no friggin idea. Other than this Grad School crap is sucking the life out of me and every available moment I am writing an essay. Which we ALL know is NOT my strong point. Though you will be happy to know I have brought up that slacking grade from a 94 to a cool 96.79 in Grad Seminar and have maintained the 100 in History of Graphic Design. I still can't wrap my head around that considering all of the assignments - and there have been no less than 15 per class - have been of the written variety.

So anywho. What were your kids for Halloween?
She asks to only her sister who is her last reader as all others have run screaming from the building because of the lame ass writings here. (Wave back bitch, I'm waving to you.......)

Here are mine.

I know, shocking they are Super Heroes right?

They have been Super Heroes for the last 4 years. Wonder Woman, Spider Girl, Teen Titans Raven and now Super Girl. Batman, Robin, Teen Titans Beast Boy and now Super Man.

If you do not live in a household run in the Super Hero realm - you have no idea what I am subjected to. You have no idea the facts I know.

For instance, the fact that Super Girl and Super Man are not from the same planet - that the blast of Krypton blew into her planet (who's name escapes me at the moment and is all very controversial - they have debates) and gave Super Girl her super power - WHICH are powered by the yellow sun?!? See????? How am I supposed to concentrate on the 1800s and their typography with THAT info swirling through my head?

And unlike the Horkin Momma, I did not make my kids' costumes this year. Usually Miss Thing begs for me to make something for her in the Female SuperHero category and being artsy I usually oblige with enthusiasm. But this year...ah no.

Do I feel bad? Yes. Guilty? Yes. What did I do about it? I made her American Girl a SuperGirl costume to match hers.

And painted a pumpkin for Lil Man, who had the brainstorm that he wanted our pumpkin to look like the rat from Fantasia.

In all my free time.

I wish I could re-do this blog, header and such. But, I don't have the energy to even think about it - let alone any ideas. My sister has a new Shabby Chic Header and its lurvly - and yes, I do think she changes her header more than Paris Hilton shows her cooch - but I say it simply cuz I'm jealous.

I am certainly going to make a conscience effort to post more. Perhaps saying it makes it so. Ya know, the whole Zen energy thing. Positive thoughts sucked in, Bullshit blown out. Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

And then there are the holidays coming up. For anyone interested in knowing there are 53 days until Christmas. Fifty Fucking Three. And I have nothing done. No Christmas Card Pictures, no list, nothing, nada. Super Suck, indeed.